A gaggle of Express gossips meet their chief of staff for a swift glass of luncheon

By GRETNA GROVEL

Once they drank champagne out of showgirls' slippers, diamante-encrusted phone tucked into their shoulder as Joan Collins hand-fed them caviar and Mandy Rice-Davies sucked their toes. Nearby a loyal manservant toasted muffins before a blazing fire lit with the latest libel papers – oh, the glory days of gossip!

But that was then and this is now — where did it all go wrong?

Nevertheless, revived by a glass or few of the Boulevard Brasserie's finest chianti, these old Express gossips, overseen by their former executive editor Alan Frame, relived the dream and noisily recalled the days of writs and Ritz. Anticlockwise, left to right — Big Al, former William Hickey John McEntee, one of his many predecessors Christopher Wilson, Hickey superstar Henry FitzHerbert and last but most important, their chief of staff Jeanette Bishop.

They were gathered at Covent Garden's finest eaterie to celebrate Henry's latest triumph in his new guise as a screenplay writer. His drama documentary series Wyatt Earp and the Cowboy War is Netflix's highest-rated docco and the red carpet calls – word is that it's up for the Emmys, and Henry can get that manservant to dust down the old tux in readiness. There was a moment's silence as the group sat in awe of his great achievement.

In fact it was altogether a Fleet Street call-my-agent event, with Captain Frame issuing the latest info on the film adaptation of his best-selling biog Toto and Coco, while Wislon, that well-known typing error, countered with the news that Kudos TV, makers of Grantchester, Broadchurch, Life on Mars, etc, are on the point of greenlighting his Miss Dimont novels, set in a 1950s local newspaper.

Watch this space, as the hacks used to write when they couldn't think of another way to wrap up the column.

Meantime the spotlight turned to John McEntee who, I can exclusively reveal, is still in daily employ over at the Daily Mail with his brilliantly funny, deeply informed, Ephraim Hardcastle column — despite edging perilously north of the biblical span [legal papers served c/o Lord Drone, John]. Can the film adaptation of his best-selling autobiography I'm Not One To Gossip, But... be far behind?

Elbowing McEntee aside to thank her agent, her dog, her next-door neighbour and the Holy Mother Mary was gorgeous pouting Jeanette Bishop, chief of staff to countless William Hickeys – all of whose heads rolled while hers remained intact. This slender soubrette, younger than springtime and a miracle of efficiency, brought to the lunch a hefty portfolio stuffed with expenses queries, furious memos from Nigel Dempster, editor's complaints, angry rebuttals from Ginger Rogers (“Why say I shagged Fred Astaire? Were you there?”), compromising photographs, and the occasional expired writ.

“She is the great curator of our happy past,” sighed one of her many admirers round the table.

Indeed a happy past. Gossip may be dead — but the gossips live on.

 

6 October 2024