The Splash Sub
By PAT PRENTICE
Every war or plane disaster
That ever came his way
Every quake or scandal
That was the big news of the day
Just before the deadline
When the metal clunk came down
When the rollers started humming
He was hero of the town
At ten O'Clock each evening
He would lean over the desk
With streams of flapping paper
He'd be glued onto his task
He was the king of splashes
And a hero of his day
The man who made the headlines
Till the printers went away
He was emperor of Fleet Street
The last to have his say
The first edition version
Of the top news of the day
Amid reams of copy paper
With a glue pot and a pen
Reporters' words were gutted
For a final version then
He was the mighty splash sub
Every frantic word he'd rage
With every second counting
He would dominate
the page
With flecks of beer breath flying
No ulcer could survive
There was no time to panic
The best intro would arrive
He was the king of splashes
And a hero of his day
The man who made the headlines
Till the printers went away
From clouds of blue smoke curling
Old spike and stale fag ash
His lungs defying oxygen
To the Lamson tube he'd dash
And as the copy was smacked in
And disappeared with rumbling hiss
The splash sub would hitch his trousers
And be busting for a piss
And everyone would marvel
And admired by every sub
He would bequeath a masterpiece
Then go off to the pub
He was the king of splashes
And a hero of his day
The man who made the headlines
Till the printers went away
And first thing in the morning
Calm behind his breakfast tray
The gent would peruse peacefully
Balanced words from previous day
And thoughtfully and informed
With his brolly in the rain
The pinstriped politician
Pontificated on the train
The thoughtful informed thaumaturge
Who kept up with the news
Who everybody marvelled at
Dare not gainsay his views
Who coolly demonstrated
Ruled with knowledge of the world
And like a state colossus
His power was unfurled
Did not know the king of splashes
The hero of the day
The man who made the headlines
Till the printers went away
Never realised that hours before
Amid the turmoil and the sweat
Those very well-considered words
Were hurled onto the set
For next day's big Commons debate
And stowed in Hansard's binding
That every fact that ruled the land
Was coined in fucks and blinding
He was the king of splashes
And a hero of his day
The man who made the headlines
Till the printers went away
Until at last the internet
Emasculated worldly judge
And gossip goons took over
And the wordy had to budge
Now good wisdom has given way
To scrawlings on the walls
With fine men of flong and foundry
Silenced by a load of balls
The old and trusted broadsheets
Rich fed red tops of affray
Are lost to cheap opinion
And desperation of decay
Where once hamster cage linings
Were first studied by a Queen
Now fish and chippy wrappers
Are replaced by zombie screen
He was the king of splashes
And a hero of his day
The man who made the headlines
Till the printers went away
So silently at ten O'Clock
In some quiet back town bar
A reminiscing mild old hack
Thinks of times afar
When way from being some old soak
He boldly took the yoke
What intimidated most folk
For the job he was the bloke
He was once the king of splashes
And a hero of his day
The man who made the headlines
Till the printers went away
© Pat Prentice