THE GENTLEMEN'S TRUMPET
September
By Horace Morris-Warris
Tis September, in ye year of our Lorde;
Yet still it raineth, My Good Gawde
Whatever happened to ye sunne?
Methinks we are a trifle underdunne
*****
Excuse me if I sound a trifle terse,
but now I intend to write a seconde verse
And here it cummes
Chummes
*****
I know a goode wenche, I call her cooke
She baykes a fyne cayke from her recipe booke.
She roastes a goode oxe. Yea 'tis her pryde
And 'tis not only mustarde that one gettes on the syde
*****
Tis the ende of my ryhme
Tis so absurd
That I cannot be bothered
To wryte verse ye thirde
Seasonal Jottings
By Humphrey Pumphrey
Autumn
Ah autumn! The season of mists and mellow political meetings
It starts in September and continues well into November
(Then it goes into December, actually)
Then follows winter and the traditional Christmas greetings
Crumpets, custard, toasted cheese sandwiches, Tizer and burning ember
And badgers
Chorus: Autumn, autumn, autumn. It swiftly follows summer
Then comes the blasted winter, which always is a bummer
Winter
After Christmas it starts to get a bit colder
Leave a jelly in the garden and it might well freeze
But come April, when the year is older
Things get more comfy for the birds and bees
Chorus: Winter, winter, winter. It swiftly follows autumn
You can wear your woolly undies. If you have bought 'em
Spring
Then it gets warmer and we come to what experts call spring
It is a little warmer now and the days are getting longer
The daffodills bloom in the garden. You know, that sort of thing
And you have to mow the lawn as the moles get stronger
And the badgers
Chorus: Spring, spring, spring. It swiftly follows winter
Take your woollies off now and pour yourself a tincture
Summer
Goodness, it's warmer now. Methinks it must be summer
The flowers are in bloom and the nights are shorterino
Tis when a chap gets out the deckchair. Nothing could be rummer
Than sitting in your short bags enjoying a deluxe snorterino
And a badger
Chorus: Summer, summer, summer. Tis the best time of the year
Take off all your clothes and come over here my dear.
Poetry Corner is edited by Humphrey Pumphrey