DAILY DRONE

ONLY IN THE DRONE

The internet’s most extensive coverage of UK national and regional front pages

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THE Daily Star Sunday and Sotland’s Sunday Post led the slump in sales in December, according the Audit Bureau of Circulations.

The Star Sunday lost 18 per cent, reducing sales to 167,601 and the Post dropped 19 percent  to 87,335

The Observer once again saw the smallest paid-for circulation drop, reporting sales down two per cent year-on-year to 163,449 copies.

The Sun remained the UK’s top-selling newspaper with a circulation of 1.2m with the Daily Mail still close at its heels, just over 7,800 copies behind it when the Sun’s bulk copies are removed.

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Jonathan Pie's Royal rant

Buttock, Futtock & Trumper
Solicitors at Law

The Quad EC4

The Lord Drone

 RE: Barmy Army victory celebration shock.

My Lord

We act for Mr R McNeill of  Lake Michelle, Cape Town, in relation to the above item, which was prominently displayed on your otherwise esteemed website on 11/1/2020.

The item featured pictures of bibulous British supporters celebrating the England Cricket Team’s victory over South Africa. They were accompanied by text which claims they showed “a former Fleet Street executive, who celebrated long and hard. . .” and refers to “the grim-faced journo, at one-time Night Editor of the Daily Express”.

On behalf of Mr McNeill, we wish to state, inter alia:

Our client is the only former Night Editor of the Daily Express residing in the whole of the Southern Cape Peninsula – and indeed all of Sub-Saharan Africa – and therefore, although not named, he was clearly identified as the drunken miscreant.  This despite our client not bearing the slightest resemblance to any of the persons featured in the pictures -- as the attached photograph testifies.

The site of the old Express building in London’s Blackfriars is to be transformed, as illustrated by this artist’s impression.

Ludgate House, formerly home to Daily and Sunday Express and the Daily Star titles, was demolished some time ago.

A huge skyscraper has already been built on the opposite side of Blackfriars Road and dominates the South Bank. Soon it will have a rival.

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News you may have missed

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History in moments

1945: Emaciated British troops, just liberated from the hell of an internment camp in Sumatra, catch up with the latest “war” news in the World’s Greatest Newspaper. 

Actually, as it is late August, the fighting against Japan had been over for more than a week following Emperor Hirohito’s surrender on the 15th. But the troops’ ordeal, and that of many civilians, continued. 

Few in those heady early days of freedom and longed-for peace realised how much the world had changed after Hiroshima and Nagasaki as reflected in the Express’s splash head: THE ATOMIC PLAGUE

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EXPRESSMAN’S INTERVIEWS WITH THE BEATLES RESURFACE AFTER 50 YEARS

All you need is Wigg

Interviews The Beatles gave to former Expressman David Wigg 50 years ago have resurfaced on Mail Online. Wigg spent many years on the Express before taking the well-trodden path to the Daily Mail but was working for the London Evening News at the time of the interviews which were given shortly before the group broke up. 

READ ABOUT THE INTERVIEWS HERE

HEAR THE TAPES HERE

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HARD FROMAGE M'SIEUR

KIM WILLSHER has written a delightful story in The Guardian about a French chef who lost a Michelin star because he allegedly used Cheddar in his cheese soufflé 

READ IT HERE

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LOOKALIKE

By Rosalie Rambleshanks (trainee)

'My Father? That shit who stopped my pocket money? He’s in the priest hole under the stairs’

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‘If that little twat doesn’t stop making silly duck noises, I’ll jump in and drown him’

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Salome with the Head of St John the Baptist: Andrea Solario

'Yes, I understand all that, Madame Guillotine, but can it do anything else?'

‘Don’t look now love but that big butch Roundhead who has been eyeing you up all night is coming over. Ooh-er, he’s bringing his mate’

SPOT THE PUDDINGS

Are they on the table or behind it?

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DAILY DRONE

Internal Memorandum

To: Rosalie Rambleshanks (trainee)
From: The Editor
24 December 2019

Rosalie dear

When I asked you to wear fur on the Tube it was to test fellow passengers’ reaction to using animal skins etc as apparel for what would have been an interesting feature.

I was, therefore, disappointed to receive the attached photograph of you on the District Line dressed as a tree.

I know you are only in the first weeks of your traineeship with us but I would be unhappy if I thought you were going the way of our previous trainee, the numpty Muldoon.

However, please be assured that my door is always open if you are not sure of anything and require one-to-one advice.

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DRONE PICTURE EXCLUSIVE

Andrew spotted with
15-year-old Escort

Festive drinks for our friends in the North

Former staff of the Daily Express and Daily Star have held their traditional Christmas get-together. About 30 turned up, some travelling from Turkey, France, Ireland, Wales and deepest Yorkshire, including a surprise visitor, Peter Grimsditch, launch editor of the Daily Star, who now lives in Bordeaux.

The picture shows staff who were at the birth of the Star in 1978. They are, from left: Steve Bott (sport), reporter Tony Brooks, Mike Hughes (subs), Chris Turkentine (née Wilson, editor’s secretary) Peter Grimsditch and reporter George Dearsley, visiting from his home in Turkey.

… and something similar for our friends in the South

RELIVING OLD TIMES: Former Daily and Sunday Express staff enjoy a get-together at the Seven Stars in London’s Carey Street. Pictured, from left, are lawyer Stephen Bacon and sub-editors Mike Hughes, Andy Hoban, Deborah Stone and Nick Dalton

Former Daily Express reporter ANDREW FYALL is one of the few surviving journalists who worked under legendary editor Arthur Christiansen.

He has written exclusively for the Drone of his experiences working for the great man — and reveals the real reason why Beaverbrook sacked the best editor the Express has ever had.

How the Express lost its greatest genius

Buy Andrew’s memoirs here

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Sun scores own goal in sex pest cock-up

By POPBITCH, Gossip Editor

Sun editor Tony Gallagher was expecting high fives all round for his paper’s recent exposé of David Pemsel’s sex-pest antics — a devastating story which caused the Premier League’s incoming CEO to resign in disgrace. 

It seems as if hapless old Tony picked the wrong target in Pemsel as, unbeknown to him, Pemsel is a close personal friend of none other than … News UK boss Rebekah Brooks!

Behind the scenes, Brooks had been secretly negotiating a football broadcasting rights deal for talkSPORT with her pal Pemsel ahead of his formal start in the New Year — something that the Sun’s bombshell has left in charred, bloody tatters.

So if you were curious as to why both The Sun and The Times were quite so quick to pull their online stories, and why they then quietly buried the story of the resignation that they all but forced, rather than trumpeting it across their front page the very next day, now you know.

Clive James, who has died at the age of 80, visited the Daily Express Fleet Street offices in this BBC Postcard From London recorded in July 1991 after the paper had moved to Blackfriars.

He chats about the old days in Fleet Street with his old friend Alan Coren in the famed foyer of the newspaper. The relevant part starts at 24.20 but if you want to watch the whole show it runs for 48 minutes.

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Another Wilde Lookalike

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SEX PEST FINDS HIS PLACE IN THE SUN
By POPBITCH, Gossip Editor

The Sun was happy to get on its high horse about Premier League boss David Pemsel's inappropriate sexting of a former colleague, but its dedication to rooting out the sex pests in its own workplace is a little more slapdash. 

In among the well-known sleazes on their payroll, one hack's persistent creepiness with female colleagues is so legendary that it's become something of a running joke at the Sun to attach the guy's byline to any small-fry story they run that contains perverts, fondlers, gropers or pornography. 

It's one way to deal with the employee who once made so many dick jokes at a work experience girl that he made her cry – but maybe HR would be better?

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ELECTION LOOKALIKES

FORMER News of the World editor David Montgomery is bidding to buy the Yorkshire Post and The Scotsman.

National World, set up by Montgomery, is in talks to take over JPI Media, which owns dozens of major local papers in Britain – including the Edinburgh Evening News, the Lancashire Post, the Sheffield Star and the Sunderland Echo.

The entrepreneur, 71, stepped in as JPI Media struggles to find a buyer after Reach, the publisher of the Express and Mirror titles, and Newsquest, the UK’s second-biggest local newspaper publisher, dropped out of the auction, according to the Guardian.

Reach, which is understood to have submitted a bid of about £50m, pulled out believing the portfolio of papers had been valued too high. Newsquest was facing significant competition issues in Scotland, where it owns titles including The Herald, the Evening Times and The National.

The lack of bidders for the titles shows the parlous state in which most of the UK’s local newspapers find themselves. The circulation of the Yorkshire Post stands at just 18,500. Sales of the once-mighty Scotsman are in even worse shape, selling just under 15,000.

The decline has been precipitous. In 2005, Johnston Press – now JPI Media – paid £160m to buy the Scotsman group, which also includes Scotland on Sunday and the Edinburgh Evening News, from the Barclay brothers.

Last November, the titles were assigned a value of just £4.3m by creditors acting for Johnston Press, which was taken over by its lenders and rebranded JPI Media after being crippled by debts of more than £200m.

On Friday, JPI Media completed a £50m deal to sell its crown jewel title, the i, to the publisher of the Daily Mail.

Montgomery is aiming to replicate the model he used for his last venture, Local World, which involved combining more than 100 local newspapers from Daily Mail & General Trust’s Northcliffe Media, and Iliffe News & Media, including the Nottingham Post and Cambridge News in 2012.

While he transformed the profitability of the group, his tenure as owner was marked by deep cost-cutting and consolidation of the titles in a shift to digital. He then sold the business to Reach, which owns regional titles including the Manchester Evening News and the Liverpool Echo, in 2015 in a deal worth £220m.

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SO … WE HAVE A NEW TRAINEE

Rosalie’s Lookalike

LUCAS                                   REPTILE

By ROSALIE RAMBLESHANKS (trainee)

So, I rummaged through the previous trainee’s drawers and found this idea. Well they do look alike. That’s a big tick!!! But they are very different really. 

One is a tortoise, a slow-moving reptile which lives to a great age and carries its house on its back. Granny Rambleshanks saw plenty of them when she sailed around the Galapagos with Silversea. She says if you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all. Mind you, after lunch, all inclusive, I’m surprised Granny could see anything !!!

The other is a lady called Caroline Lucas, who is a big noise in the Green Party. As there is a General Election on she is on the television a lot telling people what to think. 

Mummy says she’s harmless really but Daddy says he’d like to slap her, which isn’t very nice!!! 

(Very commendable start, Rosalie, dear. Next time try to find people who look more alike and discover something interesting to say about them. If I can help further, my door is always open — Ed)

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Out damned Spotty! Now we’ve fired that stupid boy Muldoon 

EAGLE                                         EAGLE

Political Corrs, who’d have ‘em? We’ve already had cause to remonstrate with Hoss, Laura and little Bobby Peston about their Lookalikes failures in the past and now these two Labour MPs have slipped through their net. 

OK, so they’re not exactly alike: their hair colour is different for a start. But even a modicum of research reveals spooky similarities. Both born in Yorkshire, both; believe it or not, went to the same schools in Lancashire; both took PPE at Oxford; both served as Labour shadow ministers; both have …

(Muldoon, you numpty, stop right there! Of course Maria and Angela Eagle are, and do look, alike: they’re twin sisters. Right, you’re fired. The company’s willing to give you a month’s more pay than the statutory legal requirement if you sign a Non Disclosure Agreement concerning certain working practices at the Daily Drone. Collect your belongings and leave the building immediately — Ed)

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Why can’t Geordie track down his old party pal Ghislaine?

By POPBITCH

Where in the world is Ghislaine Maxwell?

Since Prince Andrew’s excruciating interview, the Press has redoubled its efforts to track down the whereabouts of Jeffrey Epstein’s elusive “fixer" Ghislaine Maxwell.

So far, no dice — but it’s weird that Daily Mail editor Geordie Grieg hasn’t thought to put in a call.

He and Ghislaine were big pals when they were contemporaries at Oxford and have remained close in the intervening years.

In fact a quick image search through some of the better known picture agencies shows the two of them partying together as recently as 2013 (and in a very intimate looking clinch in 2003).

He knows there’s a £10,000 bounty going for this, right? That’s got to be worth a quick text, surely.

At the risk of attracting the attention of Inspector Knacker, we appear to have found a couple of  the aforementioned pics  — Ed

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MULDOON’S ELECTION LOOKALIKE

GREAT WHITE                           McDONNELL

One is a greatly feared, cold-hearted, ruthless predator who, with all-seeing eyes, goes to great depths to pursue helpless victims then swoops in for the kill; the other is a great white shark.

John McDonnell, Labour’s Chancellor in waiting (Eh? - Ed), is one of those spooky characters who, when he (rarely) smiles, looks more menacing than when he tries to look menacing. 

Corbyn’s  enforcer in chief once trained for the priesthood but decided instead to save the nation for eternal glory as a politician (Is this the line we should be spinning? — Ed). 

Meanwhile, according to Professor Dirk Muldoon, of the Broadstairs Shark Research and Conversation Programme, a great white shark is still a great white shark.

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Farewell to the great Moncrieff

THE world of journalism is mourning the loss of another great reporter — the legendary former political editor of the Press Association Chris Moncrieff.

Moncrieff, who was known for his hard working and his equally hard drinking, has died at the age of 88.

Such was his reputation around Parliament that the Commons Press Bar was renamed in his honour.

Former Expressman TERRY MANNERS, who went on to work for the PA, told the Drone: "Chris Moncrieff was one of the kindest, most likeable people you could meet … hard-working to the extreme, dedicated and trustworthy. 

"When Paul Potts asked me to work on the official book covering the history of the Press Association with Chris, I jumped at the chance, knowing I would have to keep pace with the scribe’s rapid work rate — especially as the doyen of the Commons no longer excelled in the excesses of the Commons Bar. 

(This was once the man who had a pint in hideaways all over Westminster ready for the long day and night ahead, especially debates — on a corner shelf; in a cupboard; behind a curtain). He could be assured of a drink anywhere he liked and at any time no matter where he was covering a political story.

In fact Chris’s work rate was so high all his life that he hated taking time off and would be in PA’s London office or the Commons before the day shift arrived – and still be there long into the evening. 

I remember a moment at a function, I think to celebrate his long-standing years of service with PA, which his good lady wife attended. In a pause in the conversation over gin and tonics and egg and watercress sandwiches, Paul and other Board members spoke highly of Chris’s talent, endless hard work, long hours and dedication to the company as Mrs Moncrieff smiled with pride. 

When the praise subsided she turned to Paul and said quietly: “Thank you and I know that you value Chris’s hard work but don’t you think, after all these years, he deserves to have more than one week’s annual holiday?”

Stunned silence.

Guardian obituary

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FIFTY GREAT YEARS OF THE CURRANT BUN

ANOTHER ANDY GETS THE ELBOW
Coulson airbrushed out of Sun’s 50th anniversary beano

By POPBITCH
As part of The Sun's recent 50th anniversary celebrations, Dan Wootton wrote a gushing tribute to the paper's Bizarre column, revisiting some of its best scoops from its various former editors. 

Most of the big names were there: Piers Morgan, Nick Ferrari, Gordon Smart, Dan himself. But there was one rather notable exception. 

Once again, there was absolutely no mention of Andy Coulson. 

Coulson edited Bizarre for four years in the 90s but — in much the same way he was airbrushed out of the Times' serialisation of David Cameron's recent memoirs — there was no trace to be found of him. 

It's a shame, because there's still plenty of good stories about Andy from those high, heady days to be told. The evening he chazbapped with Anna Friel, for example.

Muldoon’s Lookalike

HAIGH                                   FERGIE

The first rule of doppelgängers is: Never be seen in the same room at the same time.

Veterans of the Express’s Fleet Street days fondly recall how women’s editor Katherine Hadley would glide out of the newsroom door to Aitken House to answer a summons from Struan Coupar and the lads from PricewaterhouseCoopers just as bouffant-haired foreign correspondent/diary editor Ross Benson sashayed in from the other door.

And have you ever seen flame-haired junior shadow minister Louise Haigh on the Buckingham Palace balcony? Or the copper-locked Duchess of York plotting in some Commons corridor with Jeremy Corbyn?

Of course not. Rule One applies.

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ROYAL PIC OF THE WEEK
I have no recollection of meeting these men - Duke of Pork (sword)

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JONATHAN PIE is ...
Raab’d up the wrong way  

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BANTZ IN THE PANTZ

By POPBITCH

The Daily Star ran a front page last week bemoaning the death of workplace "bantz", saying that nearly two-thirds of men are now afraid to make "old-school quips" in the office in case PC snowflakes kick up a fuss.

Clearly, this news has yet to reach the broadsheets. Staff at The Times are well used to hearing some very salty language from their esteemed editor. 

More than one colleague alleges they have been treated to his charming chat-up line: "You have no idea how much I want to shove my cock into you.”

This story is completely untrue m’lud (allegedly) — Cocklecarrot

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MRS MULDOON’S ...

General Election lookalike 

RAYNER                                  PHILLIPS

If Jeremy Corbyn loses the election (If? — Ed) the already-formed queue of MPs desperate to replace him will quickly start to shuffle its collective feet impatiently, writes Drone Political Analyst ELVIRA MULDOON (Mrs).

Whom to select? After all, they all seem to spout the same jargon (stridently) and some even look alike. 

Take this pair of identikit wannabees: 

Angela Rayner has, as they say, an interesting back story: the daughter of an illiterate mother, she left school at 16 without any qualifications because she was pregnant. Now, a grandmother at 39, she is the Shadow Education Secretary and an influential diner at the Labour high table.

The other is outspoken Jess Phillips, who, despite proclaiming “I think I’d be a good prime minister” has endured an ambivalent relationship with the Labour hierarchy. 

She is said to have once told Diane Abbott to “fuck off” during a party row. Asked what Abbott did next, La Phillips replied: “She fucked off.”

Both women to watch and, alas, listen to.

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IF THEY HAD KIDS ...

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AS ANDY BOWS OUT OF ROYAL DUTIES … 

Where the Duke of Porkies went wrong

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Night a mini-skirted Anne asked our man to bump-start her car

Former Express and Mirror man TERRY PATTINSON has regaled his friends on Facebook with the following memory

The late Daily Express photographer Harry Dempster and I pulled the short straw of having to watch Princess Anne and her latest boyfriend arrive at a restaurant on the Embankment at Chelsea. (It was in the 60s when she was still single).

We had to wait until they finished dinner, so it was a long vigil until they left.

When Harry finished snapping he put his cameras into the boot of his car.

We chatted on the street corner and plotted sneaking away for a pint or three before returning to the office.

Suddenly I felt a tap on my right shoulder (Yes, a funny place to have a tap — Chick Murray, Scots comedian.)

It was Princess Anne.

She said her boyfriend's car would not start and could we help? Obviously, she did not know who we were.

I informed her and her boyfriend how to 'bump start' using the gear and the clutch.

All three of us pushed the car while her boyfriend sat behind the wheel, Anne was wearing a mini-skirt, so the royal posterior was in the air as we pushed the car.

The car started and the white sport car roared off — Anne blew us a kiss..

After they disappeared we both realised that we had missed a great photo — it could have been the royal photograph of the year.

Harry said: "Please do not tell anybody about this until after I am dead."

And I never did.

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This wonderful portrait of actress Faye Dunaway not only demonstrates the towering talent of former Fleet Street “monkey” Terry O’Neill, who has died at 81, but the often average quality of the journalism on Mail Online which marked his death.

Back in Fleet Street, Express subs were instructed to appraise a picture properly by staring at it “until the eyeballs ache — and then stare at it some more”.

Lloyd Turner had two rules on writing a caption: it should always describe what is going on in the picture; and a reader should first look at the snap, then the caption and read something there that made him want to look at the picture again.

So what would the Express backbencher and Daily Star Editor have made of this lamentable effort? The writer has broken all the rules. In a generous three lines he/she has had the space even to give the exact date (as well as the noon temperature in downtown Santa Monica and the Dow closing price). 

But what’s that shiny thing on the table? And what’s that splash head in the paper on the floor? Are they not worth a mention?

Could it be that this iconic morning-after-the night-before picture depicts Dunaway reflecting on the Oscars she and Peter Finch (he posthumously) had just won for Network?

Indeed, it could. Oh, and the fact that O’Neill went on to marry Dunaway might have been worth squeezing in. And what about spelling Beverly Hills correctly?

*A reader writes: From the way she is slumped in her chair she could well have been shot dead. (At first sight anyway.)  But if anyone is accused of getting away with murder it should be the Mail Online caption sub. 

MEMORIES OF
TERRY O’NEILL

Terry O’Neill, CBE, photographer, who worked on the Daily Sketch, was born on July 30, 1938. He died of prostate cancer on November 17, 2019, aged 81

ROBIN MCGIBBON remembers: I first encountered Terry O'Neill on the Sketch, in 1963. But we didn't strike up a friendship until the early seventies when I launched a publishing company, Everest Books, and we met to discuss projects.

One of the books I published was the authorised biography of Bobby Moore - and it led to Terry giving me a bollocking.

Bobby was keen for me to use a classy photo Terry had taken of him, as the book's cover. I was more than happy to oblige and, at the star-studded book launch — at the Martini Terrace, in New Zealand House — I made a welcoming speech, in which I singled Terry out for special thanks for letting my company have the pic for nothing.

I felt sure he would be pleased, but as soon as I'd finished speaking Terry pulled me to one side and called me a cupid stunt for embarrassing him with Elton John, one of many showbiz guests there.

"I let you have that photo for nothing as a favour," Terry fumed. "But when I'm asked to photograph Elton, I charge him twenty grand."

Happily, that incident did not damage our relationship — or Terry's with Elton —because, a few years later, I bumped into Terry and he told me he had been to one of Elton's legendary fancy dress parties.

Knowing Terry was not one for dressing up, I asked him what costume he had worn.  He said he'd sprayed some luminous gold stage make-up on one of his fingers and gone as Goldfinger. 

That was Terry. Always imaginative. Always original.

*****
CLIVE GOOZEE: Monica and I met Terry O’Neill at the Royal Bath Hotel in Bournemouth where we’ve lived since 2005. He was on a tour promoting his book of Sinatra photos entitled Frank and Friendly, not always friendly, Terry told me. 

I introduced myself by saying I had worked nearly 25 years on Express Sport, mentioning the names of some of the photographers,  including John Downing, Reg Lancaster, Harry Dempster, he knew them all. He autographed the book (pictured) then he called over his book’s editor, former Sunday Express editor Robin Morgan, who arrived from the Sunday Times to replace Robin Esser. 

I was expecting someone posh sounding but he had a strong Black Country accent and he was a Wolves fan = just like me!

Picture gallery of O’Neill’s work

Terrific obituary in The Times

Do not adjust your sets — this video has no sound

MORAN                                 PIDCOCK

Hoss, Peston, Kuenssberg please step into the bollocking bay. Now, team, you’re going to have to raise your game: you’re missing a great election story. Haven’t you noticed that two sisters are standing for different parties?

Labour’s leadership hope Laura Pidcock and Lib Dem rising star Layla Moran may disagree on politics but they’ve got to be related. 

Mind you, in the home of keen political analyst Elvira Muldoon they’re both known as “Chopsey  Mopsey”. Well, they do like the sound of their own voices. 

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Old Expressmen never die, they lunch out at Simpson’s in the Strand

BY SPIKE DIVER

Statistical analysis by S. MULDOON (trainee)

How the mighty have fallen. Back in 1973 the late, lamented Tony Fowler, then Night Editor of the Daily Express in Manchester wrote a memo (see picture)  to “All Executives and Sub-editors” giving a list of staff writers and photographers in the London and Manchester offices who merited bylines.

Back then, the Express Northern News Editor Stanley Blenkinsop was nearly justified in, famously, routinely answering the phone: “News Desk. The world’s greatest newspaper.”

In truth though, the Express, despite then still selling more than three million copies a day, was on the slippery slope to obscurity.

As a former London Night Editor used to introduce himself to journalism students on the lecture circuit: “Between the time I joined the Express and when I left it had lost two million copies a day. Of course, I accept some responsibility but it’s not all my fault.” 

Now the Express, under the piss-poor ownership of something called Reach, is lucky if it sells 300,000 a day; the staff has dwindled to a fraction of what it was.

In March, 1973, the Express operated out of three “black Lubyankas” (although Scottish Daily Express production staff would soon move, reluctantly and truculently, to Manchester). Wee Ian McColl was halfway through his undistinguished reign as Editor, based in London. The mercurial (a euphemism for “usually pissed”) John McDonald, a far better journalist, reigned in Great Ancoats Street.

As Tony’s memo reveals,  the London and Manchester offices boasted comparatively huge staffs of scribes and snappers (forget about the poor bloody subs and desk men). A total of 169.

CHRISTOPHER WILSON commented: "Among the names of the great and good on Tony Fowler's list is that of the legendary Frank Goldsworthy, who in 1967 came to lecture us journalistic wannabes on block release at Harlow Technical College. 

"At the end of his slightly interesting peroration someone asked if he could give a simple word of advice to a young reporter.

'Always keep two fivers tucked in the back of your passport, and a change of clothes in a suitcase in the boot of your car. That way you're ready, 24 hours a day, to fly anywhere in the world.'

“It was a fascinating insight into why old FG had survived and prospered. And one which we — who rarely saw two fivers together, and who owned neither suitcase nor car, and struggled to find a change of clothes — absorbed in wonder.

At least most of us had the passport.

Here, for the record, is the list: 

LONDON REPORTING STAFF (47)

Cyril Aynsley, Paul Dacre, Norman Dowdy, Lin Edgson, Michael Evans, Bernard Hall, John Hamshire, John Harrison, Frank Howitt, George Hunter, Jill King, Norman Luck, Colin MacKenzie, David Richardson, John Sanderson, Brian Steel,Frank Thompson, George Webber, Alastair Wilson, Arnold Latcham, Frank Goldsworthy, Richard Wright, Jack Hill, John King, Colin Pratt, David Thurlow, Declan Cunningham.

Michael Charleston, John Christopher, Kingsley Squire, David Jack, Wilfred Sendall, Daniel McGeachie, Roy Blackman, George Lochhead, Walter Partington, Alexander Kenworthy, Keith Thompson, Percy Hoskins, Chapman Pincher, Bruce Kemble, Barrie Devney, Terry Pattinson, David Benson, Leslie Nichol, James Wilkinson, Frank Robson

LONDON FEATURE WRITERS (23)

Andrew Fyall, Peter Chambers, James Davies, Douglas Orgill, Adella Lithman, Bruce Kemble, James Murray, Alan Cass

SHOW BUSINESS

Victor Davis, David Wigg, Judith Simons, Martin Jackson, Ian Christie, James Thomas

DRAMA

Herbert Kretzmer, Noel Goodwin

FASHION

Sandy Fawkes, Sue Hayton

TRAVEL

David Ash

COLUMNISTS

Mary Collins, Jean Rook, Hugh McIlvanney, Sheila Hutchins

LONDON SPORT (25)

Charles Benson, John Santer, Steve Curry, Roy Ullyett, John Davies, Crawford White, Norman Dixon, Alan Williams, Pat Gibson, Jim Gould, 

Norman Giller, David Emery, Clive Graham, Desmond Hackett, Ronald Heager, Jim Hill, Philip Hodges, Sydney Hulls, John Lloyd, Pat Marshall, Derry Meade, John Morgan, Peter O’Sullevan, Frank Rostron, Mark Wilson

LONDON PHOTOGRAPHERS (24)

Victor Blackman, David Cairns, Harry Dempster, Terry Disney, John Downing, Ronald Dumont, William Jones, Jack Kay, William (Bill) Lovelace, Stanley Meagher, Michael McKeown, Hillaria McCarthy, Douglas Morrison, Norman Quicke, Robert Stiggins, Albert McCabe, George Stroud, Michael Stroud, Leonard Trievnor, Brian Laister, John Moran, Chris Wood, Reg Lancaster, Robert Chapman

MANCHESTER REPORTING STAFF (29)

John Alley, John Bell, Alan Bennett, Donald Blankly, Tony Brooks, Gerry Burke, Derek Hornby, Don Mackay, Carole Newton, James Price, Harry Pugh, Brian Ratcliff, Trevor Reynolds, Maurice Richards, Peter Welbourn, Robert Wilson, Frank Welsby, Philip Aris, Alan Baxter, Robert Brady, Peter Doyle, George Hill, Leonard Holliday, William Hunter, John Ley, Neil Moran, Leslie Poole, Peggie Robinson, Leslie Clare

MANCHESTER FEATURE WRITERS (6)

Geoffrey Mather, Gerard Dempsey, Ray Purcell, Geoffrey Newson, Ron Boyle, Mary Duffy

MANCHESTER PHOTOGRAPHERS (15)

George Birch, Leo Carter, James Dakin, John Dawes, Brian Duff, Peter Jackson, James Milne, Ernest McLintock, Alan Steele, John Wardaugh, Gordon Amory, William Gregory, Barry Henson, Stanley Pope, Robert Renton

Norman Giller reckons Tony Fowler missed some journalists out:

MANCHESTER SPORTS WRITERS

Bill Fryer, Alan Thompson, Derek Hodgson, Derek Potter, James Lawton. Mike Dempsey was sports editor.

__________

Reflections on the First Tuesday Club

The First Tuesday Club of former Express staff is still going strong. After years of meeting at the Old Bank of England pub it has now moved across Fleet Street to The George.

If you look closely at the picture you can discern the reflection of the club’s organiser David Eliades who reserves an area of the historic pub every month for the get-together.

Why not join David and the others? The club’s next meeting will be on Tuesday, 3 December.

__________

It’s Mad Mat as you’ve never seen him before

ONE of the brightest young men to have passed through the hallowed portals of the Daily Express is former news sub-editor Mat Ward.

A fine journalist possessed of a great sense of humour, Mat has since moved to Australia where he now makes music.

He wrote on Instagram with tongue firmly in cheek: "Thank you Cadbury! I'm happy to announce that, like many of my favourite artists, I have now hit the big time and have found a sponsor! 

"This is a great partnership as I have loved Cadbury products since the day I was born, if not way before I was born. Except for Dairy Milk. 

"I am open to other offers so hit me up at matwardmusic@gmail.com — all products considered — 'climate-damaging' fossil fuel vehicles, foodstuffs that others consider ‘unhealthy', I'll hock any old shit for cash, because everyone knows musicians make no money so it doesn't damage your cred these days! Thank you." * sponsored post *

Find out more about Mat’s music here

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FLEET STREET IN 1907

__________

Downing launches book 

of his life’s work at an emotional ceremony

FORMER Daily Express photographer John Downing has proudly launched the book of his life’s work at an emotional ceremony.

Reporter Kim Willsher, who accompanied Downing of many news assignments, wrote on Facebook: “We laughed. We cried. We saw old friends and colleagues. but most of all we celebrated the life and work of John Downing and his book Legacy.

“It was a moving, humbling, sad but also joyful evening.

“I am thinking of this short poem by Raymond Carver. I think we showed John that he is beloved."

Late Fragment

And did you get what you wanted from this life even so?

I did.

And what did you want?

To call myself beloved, to feel myself beloved on the earth.

John is suffering from terminal lung cancer.

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MAIL ONLINE’S NEW CONCEPT: NEARLY NEWS
WHAT A LOAD OF COBBLERS 

By SPIKE DIVER
In an astonishing breakthrough in the world of data management, Mail Online has unveiled a daring new concept in the dissemination of information.

Nearly News.

This week the website, which has a huge global reach, announced to its millions of readers that the wife of a Hollywood star had nearly fallen over in the street.

Yup, you read that correctly. Amal Clooney, wife of superstar George, was reported to have missed her footing in a cobbled street in New York and almost went arse over tits. But didn’t.

There’s more. Mail Online’s Brian Gallagher (sorry, mate, there’s no hiding place from this even if you did file it at 2.43 in the morning) contrasts Amal’s experience with that of her sister, Tala, who actually did fall down in similar circumstances four years ago.

Incidentally, all praise to the website’s archives. Imagine sending Messenger Jack to the Express library in Fleet Street to retrieve a tattered envelope marked: Hollywood Stars’ Relatives (Falls).

In an attempt to catch up, the Editor of the Daily Drone, a bit miffed that he didn’t think of this innovative way to massage a news schedule, sent trainee S. Muldoon to rummage through the dustbins at Derry Street for other examples of Nearly News. Here’s a selection:

Frank Bruno nearly passes

Latin GCSE after intensive

tuition in his lunch hour

*****
Diane Abbott nearly appointed

Waynflete Professor of Pure

Mathematics at Oxford University

*****
Julian Clarey nearly called

into England front row

*****

John Bercow nearly winner of

Donald Trump-Piers Morgan

Shrinking Violet Award For

Modesty And Self Effacement 

*****

Canvey Island nearly named

Europe’s coolest surfing spot

by readers of Big Board Bugle

*****

S. Muldoon (trainee) nearly

voted Digital Journalist of

the Year by Press Gazette

*****

Pop poppet Lulu nearly

chose Careless Whisper

as her debut disc - report

__________

NO wonder they’re smiling — these three former Expressmen managed to escape from the Black Lubjanka for the more journalist-friendly and lucrative Mail group.

Enjoying lunch at Wholefoods in London's Kensington are, from left, diarist Peter Mackay, who is now retired; John McEntee, editor of the Daily Mail’s Ephraim Hardcastle; and Peter Hitchens, who writes a column for the Mail on Sunday.

McEntee wrote on Facebook: My dear friend Peter [Mackay] worked with me on the Express when he shared an office with Peter Tory overlooking the Thames at Blackfriars. The pair watched the slow construction of what became the wobbly bridge from St Paul’s to Tate Modern.

When it was half finished the Queen walked out into the Thames on the incomplete structure. I recall going into the two Peters’ office and joining them and we stared at HM at the end of the half-finished edifice in the middle of the river.

None of us spoke. 

__________

Zack gets em-rule back after 33 years

How Hickey ed Wilson saved this Fleet Street sculpture from crusher

FORMER Hickey editor Christopher Wilson has revealed how he saved an important sculpture from being destroyed.

The work, Three Printers by Wilfred Dudeney, is a misnomer as it depicts an editor, a printer and a news boy. 

It originally stood in New Street Square outside the Westminster Press offices off Fleet Street but now graces the sunken Goldsmiths' Garden in Gresham Street.

Christopher wrote on Facebook: "This day 50 years ago I came to Fleet Street as a young reporter. In one of the back alleys I explored in the following weeks, I came across this sculpture by Wilfred Dudeney — as far as I know, the only public monument to us and our trade. 

"A dozen years ago, after the diaspora, it was in pieces in a builder's yard and destined for the crusher. I saved it, and since I never became an editor, I count it as my greatest journalistic achievement. 

“I wanted it to be re-sited in St Bride’s Churchyard but Goldsmiths' belatedly decided to claim ownership — even though until I said ‘ Oi!’ they were content to let it go to the crusher.

"They were the landlords of New Street Square but the sculpture was commissioned and paid for by Westminster Press [a now defunct local newspaper group].

“We compromised because Goldsmiths' offered to have it restored at considerable cost in return for it being placed in their garden.

“Anyway, like us, it’s still around!”

The Goldsmiths' Garden is on the site of the churchyard and medieval church of St John Zachary, which was damaged in the Great Fire. 

The Worshipful Company of Goldsmiths had acquired land in 1339, and built the earliest recorded Livery Hall. After part of the Company's property was demolished in WWII, the site was first laid out as a garden in 1941, redesigned in later years. 

The former churchyard is to the west, a raised garden with a number of gravestones and trees. Steps lead down to the excavated site of the church, laid out as a sunken garden with lawn, hard surround and seating against the retaining wall. 

The Three Printers sculpture, dating from around 1957, relocated there in 2009.

Westminster Press was sold by parent company Pearson to Newsquest in 1996.

__________
WAUGH’S ADVICE TO EXPRESS REPORTERS

Slope off to the cinema, smoke a pipe … then make a story up

EXPRESSMAN Geoffrey Mather, writing on his website about Brideshead Revisited, recalled an amusing anecdote about the book’s author Evelyn Waugh.

Quoting Waugh’s biographer Philip Eade he wrote: "Waugh spent several weeks ‘working' at the Daily Express. Having been fired in 1927 he gave advice to budding reporters.

"When assigned a story, 'the correct procedure is to jump to your feet, seize your hat and umbrella, and dart out of the office with every appearance of haste to the nearest cinema'.

"At the cinema the probationer was advised to sit and smoke a pipe and imagine what any relevant witnesses might say.”

We on the Drone reckon this was an excellent policy which was followed 50 years later by eager Expressmen, although at that time pubs were more de rigueur than cinemas.

And the moral? Never take work too seriously.

__________

His name was Hawkey, Raymond Hawkey and he had designs on Bond and the Daily Express ...

RESEARCH by the Daily Drone has unearthed one of the forgotten stars of the Daily Express from the 1950s and 60s.

That man was Raymond Hawkey, design director of the paper from 1959 to 1964, who later designed acclaimed book jackets for Ian Fleming’s James Bond novels and Len Deighton’s thrillers.

Clive Irving wrote in The Guardian after Hawkey’s death aged 80 in 2010: "I was features editor of the Daily Express when Raymond Hawkey arrived at the paper, which was then at the height of its success in the late 1950s.

"It is hard to convey to those who work in the relatively sanitised newsrooms of the digital age the bawdy zoo that was the editorial floor of the Express. 

"Banks of cut-and-paste subeditors yelled commands to the copy runners, a single backbench of senior editors shouted at the subeditors, muscular reporters bargained for column inches, and in a far corner of the black glass building was a bear pit of competing claims for the severely rationed space in the ‘soft’ end of the paper.

"In this Fleet Street madhouse Hawkey, who was always impeccably barbered, confronted visual barbarians. His title of design director seemed optimistic, since there was a rigid template of typography and page layouts, imposed from on high, that nobody had the power to circumvent. 

"But Hawkey chose to work in discrete elements, combining feature headlines and simple, strong images in bold panels.

"His style, which later came to full expression in his wonderful book jackets, was the first and one of the most consequential if furtive steps in the long and too-slow advance of newspaper design that eventually culminated in the transformation of The Guardian in the late 1980s."

Hawkey was design director of the Daily Express from 1959 before he was appointed presentation director of The Observer in 1964 where he led the design of its colour magazine. He died in 2010 aged 80.

In 1962, Hawkey was chosen by Len Deighton to design the cover of his first novel The IPCRESS File, which some regard as the template for the covers of all subsequent airport novels. He went on to design covers for Deighton's books, including Horse Under Water, Funeral in Berlin and The Action Cookbook (where the IPCRESS revolver reappears, this time with a sprig of parsley in the barrel).

Hawkey designed covers for works by many other authors, including the Pan paperback editions of James Bond published from 1963-1969, which the Financial Times described as having "a stark elegance ... consistently menacing and memorable. Each has a single photographic image on a plain or textured background. Blurb is dispensed with. It's the visual equivalent of a cruel, sardonic smile.” 

A key element was Hawkey's bold use of lettering — the sans-serif James Bond wording is far larger than the book title or the author's name. 

THE ETERNAL TRUTH

__________
EXPRESS CHIEF'S EXTRAORDINARY HOME MOVIE
Beaverbrook as you’ve never seen him before

THE Drone has uncovered an extraordinary home movie featuring Daily Express proprietor Lord Beaverbrook and the novelist H G Wells.

The silent film, filmed in 1924 at the peer’s home Cherkley, near Leatherhead, Surrey, takes the form of an amateur black comedy and also features the writer and feminist Rebecca West, who had a long affair with Wells and later reportedly with Beaverbrook. 

Beaverbrook, who died in 1964 and widowed in 1927, is pictured above wearing a top hat with some of the cast.

The film is fascinating also as a social document, revealing the mores of the time which are considered very politically incorrect today. 

You have been warned!

The film, entitled They Forgot to Read the Directions, runs for 20 minutes and there is no sound. 

Watch it here

DAILY EXPRESS EDITOR CONFESSES

I TOOK COMMAND OF BRUTAL PAPER WITH
TORTURED HISTORY..
AND I COULDN’T SLEEP

__________

Lament for the death of the gossip column

DAVID LISTER, a writer and columnist for The Independent, has written a masterly account of the slow demise of the Fleet Street diarist, including the death and resurrection of the William Hickey column in the Daily Express.

The rise and fall of the Fleet Street diarist

__________

GREAT TIMES: The Observer has republished a fascinating piece about Fleet Street watering holes written at the time the paper left for new pastures in 1988. The picture shows the conviviality continuing despite a power cut.

READ IT HERE

___________ 

CARTOON EXTRA

Craig parties with Fleet Street royalty on his 70th

Just a few of Craig's editor pals: From left, Eve Pollard, Sir Nicholas Lloyd, Wendy Henry, Craig MacKenzie, his brother Kelvin, Judy McGuire and Piers Morgan  

By TONY BOULLEMIER

Tabloid royalty turned out in force for Craig MacKenzie's 70th birthday bash.

Ex-editors and many others from across the newspaper spectrum descended on the party in Weybridge, Surrey.

Craig started as a sub on the Daily Express and went on to become deputy editor of the Daily and Sunday Express. He also edited titles for the Murdoch and Mirror groups.

He thanked guests who had made him welcome when he first arrived in Fleet Street.

Presenting him with a spoof Sun Page One, Piers Morgan paid tribute to his incredible loyalty. 

He said whenever he had problems, Craig would be in the trenches alongside him. 

Piers described him as "mad funny" and said he loved Craig's passion for life and work.

He added: "All the MacKenzies are like that. Everything at 100mph." 

___________

FOUND HIM YET? Look closely and you will see Terry Chinery hard at work on the Luton News back in the 1970s. Terry, first left, went on to greater things and became Night News Editor on the Daily Express. And yes, that dagger in the foreground is his, we are reliably informed.

__________

CHAPMAN’S PARTING SHOT AS HE QUITS THE EXPRESS
Private Eye reports:

Veteran Daily Express hack John Chapman, who refers to himself as a “Fleet Street survivor” having stuck with the paper through its Desmond doldrums and on to the new Mirror-managed era, left last month with an old-school retirement party at El Vino.
He had an admirable valedictory message for his assembled colleagues: “I have witnessed the slow, sad decline of a once-great newspaper … but I was earning an old-style Fleet Street salary so I don’t give a fuck.”

__________

MARTIN HOLDS COURT

Sunday Express editor Martin Townsend, left,  holds a riverside conference with deputy editor Dick Dismore, right, and Andy Hoban at the Lower Thames Street offices in London some time in the mid-Noughties.

…. AND HERE’S ANOTHER