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THE THINGS THEY SAY
Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn’t have in your home — David Frost
TODAY’S PAPERS
CARTOON OF THE DAY
DAVE BROWN, Indy
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BANANAS!
WHO’S ZOO: Donald Trumpanzee outside what’s left of the White House yesterday
Sorry Ange, the answer to your question is a definite
NO!
GAWD ‘ELP US, IT REALLY HAS COME TO THIS…
BRITAIN has become such a laughing stock that the German TV station NDR stopped Drone editor Alastair McIntyre and columnist Alan Frame on London’s Waterloo Bridge and asked them what they thought of the current crisis over the Andrew formerly known as Prince and the Starmer currently known as a dimwitted dullard.
Our heroes (who had enjoyed several sherbets) gave the TV team a full and frank appraisal of the situation. The NDR crew seemed pleased with the result and scurried off giggling into the London murk.
The Drone duo staggered to catch a train home looking forward to their bedtime cocoa and a goodnight kiss from Nursey.
Who’s written this bilge? — Ed.
David Eliades, giant of DX foreign desk and brilliantly successful author dies at 92
THE Drone is particularly sad to report that David Eliades, who manned the Daily Express foreign desk for many years, has died at the age of 92 at his home in Switzerland.
There was more to David than just journalism. He was an author too and one of his works is still playing to audiences at various locations in Italy.
FT Weekend now costs more than a large glass of pub wine as newspaper prices soar 10%
NATIONAL newspaper cover prices have increased by an average of 10.2% compared to January 2024, nearly three times the rate of other prices — and a copy of the FT Weekend now costs more than a glass of wine.
Daily newspapers’ weekday editions saw prices rise by an average of 11.2% compared to a year ago, while Saturday editions increased by 8.4% and Sunday editions were up by 11.2%
Consumer price inflation was reported as 3.6% in the year to December 2025, with food and non-alcoholic beverages up 4.5% and alcohol and tobacco up 4%. Inflation did not rise above 3.8% throughout the year.
Six editions kept their cover prices the same throughout the year, including The Times’ Saturday edition, The Sunday Times, all editions of The Daily Telegraph and The Financial Times.
NEW TODAY
Whatever circle of hell he now pollutes Jeffrey Epstein must be laughing up the sleeve of his funeral shroud. What mayhem, what anguish. On both sides of the Atlantic politicians duck and dive amid the Epstein Files fallout. At PMQs Starmer, still reeling from the Mandelson scandal, had to defend ennobling Matthew Doyle, despite his links to another sex offender. A short, sharp exchange left him florid and furious. Imagine having to listen to Davey crowing: ‘Oooh, I think I touched a nerve.’ Meanwhile, in DC, Trump’s attorney general, Pam Bondi, a finger-jabbing harridan under pressure if ever there was one, snarled and growled through a Congressional hearing, pointedly ignoring Epstein victims present. ‘A febrile atmosphere’, as BBC political corrs are wont to say. Could she know that the Epstein net is tightening? Meanwhile, Andrew awaits the rozzers’ knock.
Of course, it may just be what Polish prime minister Donald Tusk has declared openly and what Western spooks are saying in private: The paedophilia scandal is actually an old fashioned ‘honey trap’ operation and raises the question that Epstein was a Russian agent. The Ruskies are, after all, old hands at generating ‘compromise material’ or ‘kompromat’. Let’s not forget the case of Russia’s prosecutor-general, Yuri Skuratov, who in 1999 was investigating President Boris Yeltsin for corruption. Grainy footage emerged of him in bed with two prostitutes. The then head of the FSB went on TV to declare the video genuine, ending Skuratov’s political career and launching his own. A year later, this paragon was elected president. All hail, Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin.
One wonders what the estimable BBC North America Editor Sarah Smith makes of the Mandelson scandal. After all, she’s the daughter of John Smith, arguably one of the greatest Labour prime ministers we never had. Smith, a canny Scot, obviously saw right through the Prince of Darkness. Mandelson, a prominent aide to Kinnock and, subsequently, Blair and Brown, was notably shunned by Smith during the interim when he was Labour leader.
Following our conjecture about the enduring mystery over Epstein’s death, a weird fact is revealed by the DoJ email dump: his Fortnite account was still being used after his death.
As angry protests continue over housing hundreds of male asylum seekers in a former training camp in Crowborough, Sussex, a local councillor for the Greens has a cunning plan. Anne Cross, who represents Heathfield and Mayfield on East Sussex County Council, boasted at a recent meeting: ‘My grandchildren and I painted some Valentine’s Cards which we are going to be presenting to the men in the camp as a welcome.’ Gawd ‘elp us.
Don’t tell Jim Radcliffe but Switzerland might limit the number of people allowed to live there. The government has scheduled a June referendum on whether the population should be capped at 10 million. This would limit immigration not just of refugees but also skilled workers. Switzerland’s vibrant economy and location make it an immigrant magnet: Its population grew 10%, to 9.1 million, in the past decade — five times faster than that of the EU. Could a cap happen? According to a recent poll, 48% of voters support the measure, 11% are undecided, and 41% oppose it.
Let’s acknowledge Tehching Hsieh. That’s not a literal, but, says The Guardian, perhaps ‘the most extreme performance artist ever’. Or, to you and me, a distinctly rum cove. For Jump (1973), his first foray into the medium, the Taiwanese-American leapt from a second-floor window and broke both his ankles. He later spent a year in a cage, forbidden from speaking, reading or consuming any media. Then there was Time Clock Piece: he punched a clock-in machine in his studio ‘every hour for 365 days’. For another year-long project, he was tied to a fellow artist by an eight-foot rope. Most gruelling was One-Year Performance 1981-82. He lived rough, washing in the Hudson River and sleeping in car parks during the coldest New York winter of the 20th century. Next he (Enough, already — Ed).
What’s all this about Starmer being unpopular, FFS? I’ll have you know his approval rating is higher than that of Germany’s Friedrich Merz and Little Manny Macron. OK, so it’s all relative. Actually, Sir K’s rating of 23% makes him Britain’s most unpopular prime minister since records began, says Mike Allen in Axios. But Metz (21%) and Macron (16%) are worse. Or is it better?
Here’s a stunner, stat-wise (and stats a fact): Every curling stone ever used in the Winter Olympic Games since their inception in 1924 has been made from granite quarried from the tiny island of Ailsa Craig, off the west coast of Scotland. The uninhabited 240-acre outcrop — known as Paddy’s Milestone because it lies halfway between Belfast and Glasgow — has some of the hardest and purest granite in the world, perfect for maintaining its shape in the sport’s wet and icy conditions. As former Team USA captain Erika Brown says: ‘No other stone curls like an Ailsa Craig stone.’
Just when I’d got used to regarding the tomato as a botanical fruit, not a vegetable, now I’ve got to be prepared for it to be purple, not red. A genetically modified tomato may soon be available, says Ben Spencer in The Times. It was invented in Norwich nearly two decades ago, but EU rules – and scaremongering about so-called ‘Frankenfoods’ – mean it hasn’t been available on British shelves. The purple produce, sold in America since 2023, Canada since 2025 and Australia since January, has been modified to increase the level of antioxidants, which may help ward off cancer.
What are we to make of an item in the Daily Drone, under a picture of gorgeous, pouting Angela Rayner, in which two hacks, who really ought to know better, fantasise about being given a goodnight kiss from ‘Nursey’? Ooh er, missus.
The turmoil in Iran brings reminiscences of the days when the Shah ruled before being toppled by the mullahs in 1979. He was succeeded by his son, aged only 21, who reinvented himself as a demi-god and crowned himself Shahanshah (king of kings), with a solid gold sceptre and a crown peppered with diamonds. In the West the young ruler became a celebrity: glossy magazines cooed about his polished English, his skiing in St Moritz and tennis matches on the Riviera. He had houses in England and Switzerland and multiple palaces in Iran, including one just for his mistresses. Incidentally, the man who procured these ‘escorts’ was rewarded with Iran’s caviar export monopoly.
OldJokesHome: There’s a new dish at my local Indian: Pelican Madras. Great food but the bill’s enormous.
GlobalWarmingHotline: Last month was the coldest January in Europe for 16 years. A ‘meandering polar jet stream’ which spilled icy air into Europe and North Africa led to the average temperature being recorded at -2.34 C, says the Copernicus Climate Change Service.
NMPKT: A proton’s radius measures 0.84 femtometers (trillionths of a millimetre), according to a study published in Nature. It is the most precise measurement of the subatomic particle to date.
HeadlineOfTheWeek: How Reading The Daily Mail Could Cut Your Alzheimer’s Risk By 40% —Daily Mail.
UntouchedByHumanSub: ‘They look set to become the first Premier League club to have four permanent managers in one season.’ —BBC Sport on the sacking of Sean Dyche by Nottingham Forest. ‘London’s Waterloo Bridge.’ — Daily Drone.
StatsAFact: ‘Super Bowl Flu’ meant a record 26.2 million employees in the US threw sickies the day after the big game. That cost employers an estimated $5.2 billion in lost productivity.
TheThingsTheySay: ‘The awful truth is that Sir Keir’s successor, quite possibly an economically illiterate tax-and-spend zealot of Labour’s old school, could turn out to be a whole lot worse.’ — The Times peers into a post-Starmer future.
It’sOnlyMoney (Back by incessant public clamour we couldn’t ignore): Kerching! The beleagured PM shells out £260,000 of taxpayers’ cash needlessly paying off axed Cabinet Secretary Sir Chris Wormald. Meanwhile, Labour has binged an astonishing £214.9 million on advertising since the election. Don’t bother the abacus: That’s £381,705 every day. A written answer to Tory MP Mike Wood, reveals that government departments have spent £214,900,056 on digital, press, radio, and television adverts since July 4, 2024.
NIBS
Hickey ed sacked for
his addiction to lunch
FORMER William Hickey editor CHRISTOPHER WILSON remembers his predecessor Richard Berens, friend of royalty, habitué of Boodles, who was seldom spotted at his desk.
Legend has it that the recently late Tom Stoppard once wrote about a Morris 1,000 Traveller for The Western Daily Press. He described it as a "half-timbered car".
Eric Price reputedly scoffed later that it proved he would never have made a proper journalist. Allegedly.
News Group Newspapers, publisher of The Sun and defunct News of the World, has agreed to pay “substantial damages” to Chris Jefferies, who was wrongly arrested in 2010 for the murder of Joanna Yeates, over the invasion of his privacy. (The Guardian)
Former media commentator Roy Greenslade and TV producer Paddy French have launched a crowdfunding bid to pay for publication of a new book looking at the exploits of former News of the World journalist Mazher Mahmood. (Go Fund Me)
BBC Middle East editor Raffi Berg is suing Owen Jones for libel over an article published on the Drop Site website about the BBC’s coverage of Gaza. Jones said he looks forward to “vigorously defending my reporting”. (Jewish News)
ONLY IN THE DRONE
Our great columnists
Stand and Deliver
By Hermione Orliff
Telly footage of the Met’s Finest ‘raiding’ two Mandelson addresses induces an uncomfortable frisson of déjà vu among journalists hounded during Operation Elvedon 14 years ago. When hatchet-faced, hairy-arsed sleuths rummaged through teenage girls’ knicker drawers amid a haphazard, aimless hunt for ‘evidence’. (If you seek details, I have them). Then followed years on bail, and farcical, humiliating, intentionally intimidatory trials, eventually leading to inevitable acquittals. What is the common denominator here? The alleged common law offence of misconduct in public office and the man who used this ancient legislation to launch Elvedon when he was DPP. You’ve got it: our hapless prime minister (for now), the Rt Hon Sir Keir Rodney Starmer, KC.
A report by Charles Moore in 2009 that Peter Mandelson had been on a shooting weekend with Muammar Gaddafi’s son, Saif, who has just been assassinated, produced a strange response. The then Business Secretary’s government office was quick to point out that he hadn’t done any shooting. Moore says in The Spectator that Mandelson was ‘less bothered by my assertion that he had been rubbing shoulders with the son of the man responsible for the Lockerbie bombing, the biggest terrorist atrocity ever committed against British citizens.’
TheThingsTheySay: ‘I’m not going to go into this. It’s an FT obsession and frankly you can all fuck off. OK? — Peter Mandelson responds to Financial Times questions about Jeffrey Epstein a year ago.
The current Mandelsongate imbroglio prompts Littlejohn in the Mail to repeat Sir John Junor’s anguished cry: ‘Pass the sick bag, Alice.’ But who was Alice? Modesty prevents me referring to an informed answer in the Guardian Notes and Queries feature from the Nineties. But it’s on Google.
Are we sure that Jeffrey Epstein died by his own hand in 2019? It’s just that latest docs released say that a statement issued by the US Attorney’s Office for the Southern District of New York, revealed how Epstein, 66, had been found unresponsive in his cell at the Metropolitan Correctional Center in Manhattan and was pronounced dead. That was the morning of Friday, August 9. But, the Mail confirms, prison records and official accounts show Epstein was not discovered until the morning of the next day, August 10. The official cause of death was suicide by hanging. Records show that guards assigned to monitor Epstein did not conduct required checks overnight before his body was discovered. In addition, investigators identified footage showing what appeared to be an unidentified figure moving toward the floor where Epstein was housed. To this day, no precise official time of death has been determined. What do you think?
The balm of passing years eases memories of recalcitrant inkies who bedevilled our lives in the dying days of Fleet Street in the eighties. But now they are recalled by the death, at 81, of Eddy Shah. His running battles with the NGA signalled the beginning of the end. He had to be rescued by police when a mob of 4,000 pickets repeatedly rammed the gates of his plant and set fire to buildings. That wasn’t enough for the spiteful, entitled union bullies: his house was fire-bombed several times and a set of five coffins was delivered, the smaller ones evidently a threat aimed at his three children. When his wife, Jennifer, who was suffering from cancer, rang to tell Shah this news, he said: ‘Maybe it’s time to give up’. She replied: ‘If you do, I’m leaving you.’ He didn’t. She didn’t. And we know the rest.
I’ve seen it all now (actually, I rush to assure you that I haven’t) but ITV’s latest hero, a maverick MI5 agent in the new drama, Betrayal, has piles and has to pause in his mission to save the world to call at a motorway service station to apply some soothing Anusol. And later his wife, a GP, promises to examine his ‘inflamed arse’. The drama’s really quite good so no scraping the bottom of the barrel jokes, please.
As the fourth anniversary of Russia’s war against Ukraine passes, some haunting stats: Moscow has lost 1.2 million dead and wounded ‘more than any major power in any war since World War Two,’ says Tom Newton Dunn in War & Peace. All three of Russia’s biggest current offensives are seeing slower rates of advance than the Battle of the Somme in 1916. That’s between 15 and 70 metres a day, compared to the Somme’s 80 metres.
Rugby reminiscences about Expressmen attending internationals at HQ leads my correspondent with cauliflower knees (Eh? — Ed) and a saggy jockstrap to dictate: ‘The Sports Desk were known for their jolly pre-match gatherings in the Twickers car park where Emery and Co would hold court and meat was “cooked” on impromptu barbies. Once, the Back Bench was invited to call by following apéritifs at the Cricketers and found Charlie Sale acting as chef, poking suspiciously pink sausages around on what looked like a night light. All went well until he stabbed a pallid banger and announced: “Luncheon is served. Who wants one?” Somehow, the resultant spray of blood from “luncheon” convinced us wimpish newsmen to exclaim: “Gosh, is that the time?” and to retreat to our eyrie in the East Stand.’
Apropos the above, some thoughts after the opening Six Nations weekend: at least Wales won the battle of the anthems against England and how is Scotland coach Gregor Townsend expected to guide his team when they are all, apparently, called Arnold Clark?
Hamnet, runaway winner of Best Film in the Daily Drone Critics Circle Awards, is not all that it seems. You’d think that the most powerful climatic scenes — really from Shakespeare’s Hamlet — would have been shot at the Globe Theatre on London’s South Bank. But no. According to the Mail, when producers discovered that hiring the theatre would cost £60,000 a day they demurred. Production designer Fiona Crombie designed a 75%-scale, less-ornate, and more historically accurate version of the Globe on the Elstree lot.
Super skimmer Phil Bloxham, from Pembrokeshire, has been appointed head judge at Argentina’s first national stone skimming championships. He’s well qualified: his longest recorded skimming is 157 metres and the most skips he has achieved with a single stone is 99.
The soaring price of precious metals (occasionally mentioned in these diaries) means a gold medal at the Winter Olympics is actually worth $2,300 and a silver $1,400, the most valuable in games history. Best not be a loser, though: bronze medals are going at only $5.60. Whichever you win, though, they seem to be prone to fall apart.
GlobalWarmingHotline: More than 20 years ago Germany’s Max Planck Institute for Meteorology announced, reassuringly, that, due to GW, the country was unlikely to have harsh winters as it had previously. Fact: This year Germany has experienced severe winter weather. Fact: The institute has stopped responding to media inquiries.
TheThingsTheySay: ‘I suspect that if it weren’t for the drink holding us back, we’d have colonised the moon in 1892’ — Sean Thomas in The Spectator on Britain’s lust for empire.
ThisSportingLife: Wolves now have four players called Gomes: Toti Gomes, Angel Gomes, Joao Gomes and Rodrigo Gomes. They also have two players called Bueno. But that’s nothing on South Korea, who once fielded a team with five Kims and three Hwangs.
LetterOfTheWeek: ’For years our family vehicle was a decrepit Ford minibus called Gloria Mundi — she was a sick Transit.’ —The Times.
UpYourBumBylines (all new; all genuine): Romy Van Der Broeke, Claire Tomson-Jonville, Helen Le Caplain, Demetria Osei-Tutu, Maria Villarroel, Maria Leticia Gomes, Elizabeta Ranxburgaj, Juliana Cruz Lima, Araminta Plumptre, Ava Solieri-Pluck.
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
Paddy Clancy, 82
ANOTHER big figure from old Fleet Street, former Daily Express reporter Paddy Clancy, has died aged 82.
Clancy, who was well known in his native Ireland for his broadcasting work, died on Friday, 23 January at Sligo University Hospital surrounded by his family.
He is survived by his wife Bernie, two daughters and a son.
The Irish Taoiseach Micheál Martin said Clancy was "an enormous presence in Irish journalism for over six decades. His distinctive take on RTÉ's morning paper round up was essential listening.
"His reporting and columns were essential reading for many years in the Sligo Champion, Donegal People’s Press, Irish Sun and Mirror."
Retro Rambleshanks, author of the acclaimed Drone series Yesterday Once More, writes: Ashley Walton, LOTP, used to tell of the time when, as a new reporter, he was sent by Night News Editor Mike Steemson to fetch Paddy Clancy and fellow Irishman Mike O’Flaherty back to the office from The Cartoonist where they were ‘resting’.
‘How will I know them?’ he asked. ‘Easy,’ says Steemson, ‘they’ll be standing at the bar wearing just their underpants.’ And so it came to pass. When Ashley returned to the office Steemson asked what the response had been. ‘They said to tell you to go fuck yourself,’ reported Ash. ‘Oh, good,’ said Mike, ‘they’re coming back, then.’ And so, fully clothed, they were.
OUT OF REACH
The ones that got away
THREE’S COMPANY: Bob Watson, Shaggy Shearer and Dolly Dalton
By BOB WATSON
DOOMED news blooper group Reach may be hurtling towards oblivion —but it didn’t stop a select band of former hardy Daily Express subs from raising a glass to the good old times on Monday.
They convened at The Kings Arms in Roupell Street, a salubrious back-street boozer in the shadow of the London Eye and Waterloo station.
One cynical hack — who spent more than 20 years at the paper when it was reputedly the world’s greatest organ — said there was undoubtedly more at the gathering than in the decimated Express newsroom after Retch’s countless cuts down the years.
He sighed: “We Expressians always knew how to party so it was nice to have a wet re-run with a few old chums along with a few laughs. It was slipping down a treat by the end!”
The star studded line-up included Collette Harrison, Nick “Dolly” Dalton, Chris “Shaggy” Shearer, Andy Jones, Jon “Smudger” Smith, Tony “Boggy” Reid, Bob Watson, Ray Williams, Bill “Hat and a Hat” Dickson, Rab Anderson, Allison Randell and Andy Waller.
Gaiety at Eighty for Tony
IT was nosebags all round for the Class of 1970 when former Expressman Tony Boullemier took his old friends out to dinner to celebrate his upcoming 80th birthday.
Adding to the entertainment was Kelvin MacKenzie, who got married for the third time earlier this year. He confided that each time he marries he moves a junction or two of the M25. He is currently at Junction 11 and he confessed that he is currently considering Junction 16.
Pictured at the Queen’s Head in Weybridge, Surrey, are Kelvin MacKenzie, Julia Boullemier (Tony’s daughter-in-law), Alastair ‘Bingo’ McIntyre (appearing by kind permission of Lord Drone), Chris ‘Lady Bingo’ McIntyre, Craig Mackenzie, Lesley MacKenzie (Kelvin’s wife), Tony ‘Monsewer’ Boullemier, and his son Richard ‘Ric’ Boullemier.
The Drone is particularly sad to announce the death of one of the funniest men in Fleet Street, Express sub-editor John Mulcock.
Mullers, as everyone called him, died on 18 October at the age of 81.
Drone editor Alastair McIntyre said: ‘Mullers was a great and dear friend and our joint insanity helped to keep us both sane during crazy and stressful days on the Express in the Noughties. I grieve for him.’
Tony Boullemier said: ‘A top sub and an extremely funny man. If he wasn't firing off a quip, he was saying something that you just knew was leading up to one.
‘And when political correctness spread over newsrooms in the 90s, he was one of the last journos to ignore it.’
John Mulcock
TIMES READERS’ LIVES TRIBUTE
CRICKETERS IN THE FRAME
DAVID RICHARDSON, pictured above in sunglasses, has been clearing out his loft and come up with a few sporting pix involving Daily Express journalists. But who are they?
Lord Drone is honoured for 20 years of his Fleet Street organ
LORDING IT: Drone as imagined by Scott Clissold of the Sunday Express
THE Daily Drone is 20 years old? Shurely shome mistake. Believe it or not it is true and to mark the anniversary His Worship Lord (Bingo) Drone was presented with a magnificent caricature hand-tooled by Scott Clissold, talented cartoonist of the Sunday Express.
The ceremony took place in front of disinterested diners at the Boulevard Brasserie in London’s Covent Garden, the venue for numerous drink-sodden gatherings of the World’s Greatest Lunch Club.
The brasserie is a favourite with WGLC members not just for the excellent cuisine but also for the fact that Le Patron provides old-age pensioners with half-price food.
Lord Drone gave a long address of thanks to gently sleeping members which can be summed up as “thanks awfully chums”. He left shortly afterwards in a sedan chair after proffering his fondest thanks to Roger Watkins (chairman), Terry Manners, Dick Dismore, Alan Frame and Pat Pilton for their generous gesture. (Will that do M’Lud? — Ed)
DX lawyer Stephen Bacon dies at 79
Stephen Bacon, one of the great Daily Express lawyers and a thoroughly nice man, has died. He was 79 and had been suffering from prostate cancer.
Stephen practised for 11 years in Manchester chambers before joining Express Newspapers from where he retired as head of legal. He later became a media law consultant mainly for The Times, The Sunday Times and The Sun.
Stephen leaves a wife, Felicity, who is a retired Express features sub, and a daughter, Cleo.
Hot metal, hot off the press
PETER PHEASANT, pictured, who retired as night editor of the Nottingham Post five years ago, has turned his talents to writing.
His debut novel, Manfishing, is about the exploits of an ambitious young reporter on a weekly newspaper in the dying days of hot metal.
Manfishing is set in the fictional Midlands town of Brexham when stories were bashed out on typewriters in smoky newsrooms, long before the age of the internet.
It follows the exploits of Simon Fox, a small-time reporter with big ideas. Anything that’s fit to print makes the pages of the broadsheet Brexham Bugle, from court cases and council reports to weddings and whippet racing.
As Fox seeks out the next front-page scoop, he meets a cast of colourful characters, including a disabled pensioner who is being terrorised out of his home and an Auschwitz survivor pleading for help to save her sick grandchild.
But he knows nothing of the secret alliance between a corrupt detective and a violent skinhead.
Meanwhile, Fox is grappling with tragedy at home. And when the Bugle’s century of independence ends with a takeover, he is on a collision course with the new owners.
Stand aside le Carré, Seed’s written another spy thriller
"Where The Past Lies" is the fifth political thriller from ex-Daily Mail and TV journalist, Geoffrey Seed.
Former Mirror executive, the late Revel Barker, published Seed’s debut novel which led an Amazon best-seller list for three months.
Seed's wife says writing books is just his way of pretending he's no longer on the road. This is his side of the slur.
A MONOCLE-POPPING MOMENT AT THE EXPRESS
Do you mean us, Annie?
WHAT-HO! Express subs Alastair ‘Bingo’ McIntyre, Bob ‘Algy’ Smith and John ‘Bertie’ Brooks enjoying a refreshing glass of supper some time in the 1980s
MUCH has been written on these pages about the madcap Dronery on the Daily Express during the 1980s and 90s and our man TERRY MANNERS has found more evidence.
He writes: While browsing yet more publishing archives I came across this revealing quote from an interview with a local councillor for Salisbury, named Annie Riddle, pictured, in the December issue of the digital magazine Inside Salisbury.
Sounds fascinating, eh?
Talking about her time as a sub-editor in Fleet Street, she says: “When I was at the Express. There were a bunch of young lads there, four of them, they were very good, but they used to push it.
“They had this thing called the Drones Club and would pretend to be characters out of Bertie Wooster with the monocles and this would go on for the whole shift…
“Fleet Street was very male-dominated then. Heavy drinking was the norm but there was a lot of fun and I worked with some really clever people.”
Who could she be talking about, I wonder?”
(Drone editor dives under nearest desk)
EXCLUSIVE FROM THE DRONE GRAINY PIX DEPT
London Evening News staff meet for lunch, 45 years on
By BARRY GARDNER
Forty-five years after it closed the London Evening News managed to assemble most of its first team for a celebratory Christmas lunch on Tuesday (Dec 9).
Brilliantly organised by the last LEN News Editor Charles Garside, twenty-one former members of the ‘happiest office in Fleet Street’ gathered at The Punch Tavern, just around the corner from the old Associated Newspapers offices.
There were toasts to absent friends as several dozen bottles of wine were demolished.
As a mark of appreciation for his skills in corralling the motley crew of reporters, subs and feature writers Charles was presented with a rare copy of the last edition of the LEN, dated October 31st, 1980, signed by everyone present.
“Still a bloody good read,” he said.
Those at the lunch: Mike Ryder, Guy Simpson, Lee Rodwell, Paul Henderson, David Meilton, Colin Adamson, Helen Minsky, Kevin Murphy, Mia Scammell, Michael Crozier, Peter Dobbie, John McShane, Spencer Bright, John Blake, Charles Garside, Andrew Hogg, Jeff Edwards, Simon Brodbeck, Stan Slaughter, Ann Morris, Barry Gardner.
A Gran tale about Fleet St
Another day, another great book, this time a tale about Fleet Street by former Daily Star columnist Cathy Hollowell.
Beginning as an apprentice reporter on the Brighton and Hove Gazette in 1968, she worked her way through national agencies, night shifts at the Daily Mail, and the Daily Express before landing her dream job on the Star, interviewing extraordinary people from every walk of life.
Hollowell, who wrote under the name Cathy Couzens, now lives in Texas, with her husband, Don.
Forsooth! Here’s a clue, you silly arses
Another headline question to which the answer is No
NAMES WHO MADE THE DAILY EXPRESS GREAT
TOM BROWN reports: Cleaning out old files including some historic newspapers, I came across the attached memo. The subject matter — expenses in 1977 — is of course important. But the real interest is in the list of names — some of the most outstanding journalists ever who every day made the Express the marvellous paper it was in those days.
The memo is signed by the late, great Morris Benett.
The things they used to say on the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
By PAT WELLAND
With nothing better to do, I’ve been re-reading a couple of books about the Boulevard at a time now seen – as one of the authors remarks – “as remote as the Byzantine empire”.
From political commentator Alan Watkins’ excellent A Short Walk Down Fleet Street, two conversations between Jack Nener, “a foul-mouthed bow-tied Swansea boy” who was Mirror editor 53-61, and his deputy, Dick Dinsdale:
1. “What we need on this paper, Jack, are a few Young Turks.”
Nener: “I can see we could do with a few new faces about the place, but why in fuck’s name do they have to be Turkish?”
2. “The sub-editors, like most people who work long shifts in unchanging company, had a number of catchphrases, or joke sentences. One of them – it comes from the film of Tom Brown’s Schooldays, rather than from the book itself – was: ‘Flashman, you are a bully and a liar, and there is no place for you in this school.’
Nener was overheard asking: ‘Who’s this Flashman, then, Dick?’
‘Flashman? Flashman? I don’t think we’ve got any one of that name on the paper, Jack. Is he a reporter or a sub?’
‘I don’t give a fuck what he is, but get rid of him fucking quick. He’s a bully and a liar’.”
3. From Matthew Engel’s equally enjoyable Tickle the Public – 100 years of the popular press: “There is a story that around 1926 John Logie Baird went into the Express office anxious to show his new invention (TV, as any fule kno) to the editor (Beverley Baxter). Baxter, in keeping with the paper’s reputation for percipience, sent down the message ‘Get rid of that lunatic. He may have a knife'.”
A TOPPING TALE IN THE TIMES
WE wouldn’t normally feature a story about farting in the Drone but if it’s good enough for The Times it’s good enough for Lord Drone’s mighty super soaraway organ.
But the following item in the TMS Diary yesterday is too funny not to share:
WIND OF CHANGE
The era of gender-neutral lavatories has its perils. The cricket commentator David Lloyd says he recently went into one and was embarrassed when he suffered a stentorian attack of flatulence.
Such things might go unremarked upon in the gents, but it would be dreadfully embarrassing if a lady were present. Lloyd was comforted and amused, therefore, when the woman in the next stall piped up and said: "Is that you, Maureen?"
The Drone picture desk was asked to provide a suitable illustration for this story but we are not sure the result, left, is entirely appropriate.
Go on, dear reader, you decide — oh and apologies to all Maureens.
A PLAGUE ON YOUR PLAGIARISM
Daily Express nicked our stories, say two writers
Two journalists have accused the Daily Express of plagiarising their stories and publishing the copy under another reporter’s byline.
Daniel Puddicombe, a freelance journalist, said he is livid after his Telegraph feature on a coast-to-coast train in Mexico was was apparently copied by the Daily Express site. The piece is under another journalist’s name, and was published six days after The Telegraph.
Puddicombe said he is certain it is his work that has been lifted as he is “the first and only non-Mexican journalist who travelled on that railway line and to have been in contact with the military and the Navy”.“There is absolutely no chance that anybody else could have done that,” he told Press Gazette.
He added another piece he wrote for the Telegraph about “Portugal’s Presidential Train” has also been “recycled” for the site, but it “at least references me and my original piece”. This second article did not appear to be written by AI, according to Pangram.
Both of Puddicombe’s articles lifted by the Daily Express were published on 18 October. He received an offer of £100 per article after reaching out to the Daily Express, which he declined and described as an “insult” as “less than one-third” of what he was paid per article.
Another journalist, who asked not to be named, claimed the Daily Express lifted their piece and published it under someone else’s name. It did refer to the journalist’s original work, but they were prompted to invoice the Daily Express by a journalist Facebook group. They were again offered £100.
Mind the steps…
MALCOM TATTERSALL says that if Justice Secretary David Lammy really wants to end the long delays in our judicial system, he should bring back “the police station steps”.
GONG BUT NOT FORGOTTEN
AH, this fair takes a chap back to the old days when a bollocking from Sunday Express editor Eve Pollard earned the victim a medal.
This little gem was found in the effects of the late SX executive Phil Durrant by his widow Helen.
She said: ‘I have a lot of stuff to sort that was being stored. I found this with a safety pin on the back to wear as a badge, in Phil's stuff!'
Former Sunday Express exec Peter ‘Stewpot’ Steward told the Drone: ‘I don't know why everyone on the Sunday Express during Eve’s reign of terror didn't get one.’
Henry Macrory remembers that the 'badges' were created by the late Sheila Copsey.
The day I was told to rewrite Tom Stoppard’s copy (and share his ancient typewriter)
JOHN SMITH remembers a mad day at the Bristol Evening World in the 1960s when a gas explosion rocked the city. Tom Stoppard was one of several reporters sent to cover the drama. Trouble was that young Tom was not a news man and wrote far too much. Consequently a frazzled chief sub told Smith to rewrite the Bard’s lyrical prose.
Express sales plunge after puzzles redesign cock-up
SALES of the Daily Express have haemorrhaged after an ill thought out redesign of its popular puzzles pages.
Frustrated readers deserted the sinking ship after changes to bring puzzles in line with the Mirror to save cash.
Bosses were forced into an about-face and published a grovelling apology promising to restore puzzles into their old format.
What the powers that be have failed to understand that readers hate redesigns, taking the view that if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.
The Express has undergone many rejigs over the years, including a switch from broadsheet to tabloid which did little to stem the relentless plunge in circulation.
Meanwhile they can’t even get the Page One blurbs right with one reading: “FREE Family size bottle at of Coca -Cola.”
An insider told the Drone: “Everyone is struggling with this new regime. The subs are swamped.”
That’ll be all my good man: Daily Mail’s butler retires after 46 years of service
THINGS are getting serious at the Mail, not only have they made 16 reporters on Femail redundant, they have also lost the services of the in-house ‘butler’.
The gentlemen’s gentleman, who padded round Northcliffe House with a silver tray laden with pink gins, has retired after 46 years. He was known as the Fleet Street Jeeves, a misnomer if there ever was one, because Jeeves was never a butler, he was a valet.
There is no word yet if the butler will be replaced but the Drone understands that Jacob Rees-Mogg doesn’t have much on his plate at the moment.
In other news, The Mail’s putative purchase of the Telegraph hasn’t even been announced as a done deal yet, but DMG’s bosses are wasting no time marking their territory.
Up on the second floor of DM towers, staffers have noticed a new publication has been added to the lightbox of the organisation’s titles.
Right next to the logos for The i Paper, Metro and Weekend Mail - welcome to … The Telegraph!
Observer Sport hits rock bottom with this daft front page
Look, we on the Drone enjoy schoolboy humour as much as the next man but this front page of this week’s Observer sports section has crossed the bounds of acceptability.
It’s not funny, it’s not clever and it has no relevance to the story to which it refers, England’s poor cricketing performance so far in the Ashes in Australia.
In fact it doesn’t refer to cricket at all and the pic has no connection with the sport.
The rest of The Observer was well subbed and attractively laid out so maybe the Sports Editor and his minions should go back to journalism school.
As more and more experienced journalists are shown the door, this is the sad result.
YOU READ IT HERE FIRST!
Caroline Waterston to step down as Mirror editor just as we predicted
Chloe Hubbard, left, is replacing Caroline Waterston
THE news that Mirror editor-in-chief Caroline Waterston was on the way out — was broken by the Drone THREE DAYS before it was officially announced.
Waterston, who will leave at the end of the year, had been in the job for less than two years. She will be succeeded by Chloe Hubbard, who has been UK editor at The Independent since the start of this year.
Hubbard’s start date will be announced later. Her remit, like Waterston’s, will also mean leading Reach’s magazines team including OK!.
FIRST WITH THE NEWS (FOR ONCE): Our original story
Waterston’s departure comes shortly after a shake-up at Reach that saw Express editor-in-chief Tom Hunt become editorial director (brands), with the editors of the Mirror, Express and Star reporting to him. They remained “responsible for maintaining and developing distinctive brands with growing, loyal audiences”.
The Mirror was understood to have been among the hardest-hit titles by redundancies at Reach this autumn.
DRONE TV EXCLUSIVE
On film: The London Evening News office from 50 years ago
STEVE MILL has produced some grainy footage of the Evening News newsroom from the mid-1970s which the Daily Drone is proud to publish.
Steve said: “There was a fair bit of jiggery pokery to get the video from an old dvd recorder hard disk, and you'll no doubt have experience with file sizes, quality and compatibility. Hope the file type is workable.”
It is workable and we extend our thanks to Steve for completing this task which we know from past experience how difficult it can be.
McEntee and chums, out on the toot again
It’s a grand life being a Daily Mail Diarist. Just ask John McEntee, pictured left, who writes the Ephraim Hardcastle column.
Dash off a few pars, leave the subs to clean it up, and saunter off to the pub.
This is the life of John McEntee, who wrote on Facebook: “After Richard Compton-Miller’s funeral in the Temple Church there was a grand reception nearby where we raised numerous glasses to Rochard [sic].
“I made the mistake of sneaking downstairs on arrival ignoring the cloakroom and availing of the disabled toilets. I dropped my trilby into the nearby washbasin as I commenced to Pee and heard this gurgle as the single tap automatically activated and gently filled my upturned hat.
“Did not diminish the joy of seeing my old friend and Daily Mail legend Geoff Levy with the evergreen Liz Brewer, My colleague Helen Minsky and the inestimable Adam Helliker. Lovely afternoon of memories and refreshment.”
I think we all felt refreshed for that. Thanks John.
You must remember this Sunday upstart (but to be frank we doubt that you do)
NEWSPAPERS come and, regrettably, newspapers go — and one of the least remembered is the News on Sunday. It was a left-wing tabloid launched in April 1987 and folded only seven months later. Judging by its first splash, right, it’s not surprising.
The founders were former members of the left-wing group Big Flame and other radicals.
The idea of the paper was originally thought up by Benjamin Lowe aided by Alan Hayling, who became Chief Exec and Chris Bott who wrote the business and fundraising plan. They took John Pilger on board as acting editor but he left before the newspaper was launched. The decision to base its HQ in Manchester was criticised.
The paper had hoped to sell 800,000 copies but the first issue only managed 500,000 sales and by its eighth issue circulation had gone down to 200,000. The failure of the paper was attributed to inexperienced staff, bad management, poor marketing, a commitment to political correctness and ideological purity at the expense of news values.
The NoS was kept afloat during the 1987 general election campaign thanks to the extension of an additional loan from the TGWU, so that its folding would not embarrass the Labour Party. It went bankrupt immediately after the election and was purchased by Owen Oyston but finally closed down five months later, in November 1987.
Two ex-employees, Peter Chippindale and Chris Horrie, wrote a "withering" account of its demise called Disaster!.
NEW BOOK ALERT
Inside story of the kidnapping of Kelvin MacKenzie (up to a point)
ALLAN HALL, of this parish, has written another book, which will be published next January but can be preordered today.
He told the Drone: “Conceived in delirium, written in Berlin, edited in Bavaria, printed in Cambridge — The Duck Press is the incredible story of the kidnapping of one Kelvin Calder MacKenzie! AND it's NOT self-published! (Spoiler alert: Kelvin survives.)
“Other than that, it’s a bit of a romp featuring a grieving father who lost his only son at Hillsborough, a gay crimper called Desmond, a Saaarf London villain named Vic, a Sun femme fatale, a fired Sun hack, a compassionate detective, a man-eating lizard called Cecil and the biggest beast of them all, Keith Rupert Murdoch. Sun staff in the book are sometimes real, sometimes fictional characters.”
The author pledges to squander all royalties on strong drink.
Allan Hall is retired now but was formerly a crime reporter at the Daily Mail, chief reporter at the Daily Star, US editor for The Sun and US editor at the Daily Mirror. He is the author of 30 books on crime, mysteries and the paranormal, including the bestselling Monster about Josef Fritzl.
BARRED BY BARDOT
THE death of Brigitte Bardot at 91 has prompted Sue McGibbon, wife of the late Robin, to reveal a meeting he arranged with the actress at her rustic seafront villa in Canoubiers Bay, St Tropez.
Sue told the Drone: "We combined it with a little break and drove down to the French Riviera town bustling with luxury yachts, designer shops and celebrities.
"It was a blistering hot day and Robin had arranged to see Bardot at her home to discuss publication of a book on her life. We parked at the gates at the allotted time and I stayed in our white Jaguar as Robin got out and spoke to someone on the intercom.
"The gates opened and suited, booted and sweating, he walked up the drive carrying his burgundy briefcase that had held so many manuscripts.
"At that moment I heard a vehicle bouncing up the unmade track behind me and a jeep driven by a very pretty young man, with a little blonde sat next to him — and about six dogs of various sizes in the back.
"It skidded past the Jag and screeched to a halt, then I heard this very loud voice shouting at Robbie in a strong French accent: 'I doo not know yoo! Off my land!' Obviously Bardot.
"Worse. The dogs jumped off the jeep and were barking madly at Robbie trying to explain. She wasn't listening.
"Robbie managed to tell her to check with her agent before speedily walking back to the car, the barking dogs all around him.
"We found out later that Bardot's agent had left a message with her housekeeper that the meeting was taking place, but she forgot to pass it on.
"Over a much needed drink somewhere quieter and more welcoming, Robbie and I agreed. Her driver looked more like a film star than she did!
"Robin did not attempt to rearrange our date."
FRONT PAGES FROM 1997
How papers change yet strangely stay the same
THE DAILIES
THE SUNDAYS
There have been big changes in newspapers in the 28 or so years since these front pages were printed in 1997 but they are still recognisable today.
The Times, The Independent and The Guardian were all broadsheets and the tabloid/compact titles had mostly dropped the definite article from their names. Quite what the point of this was unclear to most of us at the time. If the powers that be thought it would increase circulation it didn’t. Readers dislike change and the experiment was dropped.
The Sundays all look much the same today, except that the News of the World was retitled as the Sun on Sunday. The Sunday Business was turned into a magazine in 2006 and later merged into The Spectator which converted it into the monthly Spectator Business magazine.
Compton Miller dies at 8o
Richard Compton Miller, the last of the gossips from the great days of Fleet Street has died at the age of 80. He had been in hospital with pneumonia when he caught an infection and had also been suffering from Parkinson’s Disease.
The funeral is on Tuesday December 16, at 1.30 at the Temple Church, Middle Temple.
SPOT THE DUMMY
STARMER
LORD CHARLES
DUMMY
STARMER
This is not much of a competition, is it readers? The facts speak for themselves and there’s no budget for a prize.
But as there’s not much happening news wise (apart from Reach predicting annual profits of at least £99m for 2025 despite a 1pc fall in digital revenues) we thought we’d bung these pix in for a laugh.
We admit we should have splashed on the Reach story but it’s a bit boring. We showed it to Lord Drone and he still hasn’t woken up.
WE’VE GONE BANANAS, READERS!
Swim’ll Fix It for the Donald
FRUIT AND NUT
The cheesy grins say it all. Lord Drone’s magnificent organ has staggered to the rescue of Donald Trump as he waits for his Nobel Peace Prize. We sent our columnist Helena Handcart (Mr) to dress up as a banana and hand the President the 10 metre swimming certificate (s)he won in the 1950s.
The Halfwit in the White House (what’s left of it) looks well pleased with the gift, doesn’t he readers?
FLEET STREET GOES TO WAR
An atmospheric picture from 1915 showing men queuing in Fleet Street to sign up to fight in the First World War. It makes one wonder if any of these brave lads ever returned from the killing fields.
This pic was submitted by Tom McCarthy who spotted them on a social media site called Old England in Colour, which features colourised photos.
RUPERT THE RUTHLESS
Rupert Murdoch was a ruthless operator from an early age, says Andrew O'Hagan in The New Yorker. The media tycoon's first job in the UK was a summer placement at the Birmingham Gazette, arranged for him by his father through the chairman of the paper's parent company, Pat Gibson. The editor, Charles Fenby, later recalled that he took young Rupert under his wing, befriending him and showing him everything he could about the business. "And what did he do? He wrote a filthy letter to Pat afterwards saying I should be fired."
Peter Grosvenor dies at 92
PETER Grosvenor, long-standing literary editor of the Daily Express, has died two months short of his 93rd birthday. He joined the Express in 1962 when Beaverbrook was still alive and taking more than a passing an interest in his newspapers. He remembered one call in particular when the Beaver informed him: "Mr Grosvenor, we have more readers in the Social AB class than any other paper. So it's a very important job you do Mr Grosvenor.” There would have been a hint of menace in the Beaver's delivery.
The Daily Drone is published, financed and edited by Alastair ‘Bingo’ McIntyre with contributions from the veteran journalists of old Fleet Street, Manchester, Glasgow, Welsh Wales and the worldwide diaspora. Dedicated to scribblers everywhere.
©Lord Drone, Whom God Preserve 2005—2026
