Poetry Corner

THE GENTLEMEN'S TRUMPET

September

By Horace Morris-Warris

Tis September, in ye year of our Lorde;

Yet still it raineth, My Good Gawde

Whatever happened to ye sunne?

Methinks we are a trifle underdunne

*****

Excuse me if  I sound a trifle terse,

but now I intend to write a seconde verse

And here it cummes

Chummes

*****

I know a goode wenche, I call her cooke

She baykes a fyne cayke from her recipe booke.

She roastes a goode oxe. Yea 'tis her pryde

And 'tis not only mustarde that one gettes on the syde

*****

Tis the ende of my ryhme

Tis so absurd

That I cannot be bothered

To wryte verse ye  thirde

Seasonal Jottings

By Humphrey Pumphrey

Autumn

Ah autumn! The season of mists and mellow political meetings

It starts in September and continues well into November

(Then it goes into December, actually)

Then follows winter and the traditional Christmas greetings

Crumpets, custard, toasted cheese sandwiches, Tizer and burning ember

And badgers

Chorus: Autumn, autumn, autumn. It swiftly follows summer

Then comes the blasted winter, which always is a bummer

Winter

After Christmas it starts to get a bit colder

Leave a jelly in the garden and it might well freeze

But come April, when the year is older

Things get more comfy for the birds and bees

Chorus: Winter, winter, winter. It swiftly follows autumn

You can wear your woolly undies. If you have bought 'em

Spring

Then it gets warmer and we come to what experts call spring

It is a little warmer now and the days are getting longer

The daffodills bloom in the garden. You know, that sort of thing

And you have to mow the lawn as the moles get stronger

And the badgers

Chorus: Spring, spring, spring. It swiftly follows winter

Take your woollies off now and pour yourself a tincture

Summer

Goodness, it's warmer now. Methinks it must be summer

The flowers are in bloom and the nights are shorterino

Tis when a chap gets out the deckchair. Nothing could be rummer

Than sitting in your short bags enjoying a deluxe snorterino

And a badger

Chorus: Summer, summer, summer. Tis the best time of the year

Take off all your clothes and come over here my dear.


Poetry Corner is edited by Humphrey Pumphrey

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