t, 
LONDON
THURSDAY 21 JUNE 2018
QUOTE OF THE DAY
I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying — Oscar Wilde
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Mirror takeover of Express titles gets official OK at last
Culture Secretary Matt Hancock has cleared Trinity Mirror's takeover of Express Newspapers, meaning there will be no further public interest or competition probes into the merger.
Mr Hancock said in a written statement last night he will not refer the merger for a phase-two investigation, which would have seen the Competition and Markets Authority instigaste a six-month investigation into the deal.
Trinity Mirror rebranded as Reach last month.
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Lookalike
Poldark Salah
ROGER WATKINS ASKS: Is nimble-footed, free-scoring Pharoah of the Kop Mohammad Salah by any chance related to bodice-ripping, free-scoring scythe symbol Captain Ross Poldark, MP?
(No — Ed)
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JUST FANCY THAT
Your article (Dacre tells Mail’s next editor not to dilute Brexit backing, 14 June) quotes Paul Dacre saying: “Support for Brexit is in the DNA of both the Daily Mail and, more pertinently, its readers.”
However, it turns out this is not the case. The headline of the Daily Mail from 1 January 1973 was “Europe, Here We Come!” Also, above the headline was “For ten years the Mail has campaigned for this day. We have not wavered in our conviction that Britain’s best and brightest future is with Europe.”
It’s a shame that Mr Dacre is so ignorant of his own paper’s history. Given that he and the majority of the paper’s readership were born before 1973, it stands to reason that being pro-EU must actually be in their DNA.
Jonathan Tuppeny
Epsom, Surrey
Letter in The Guardian, Monday 18th June
Spotted by Clive Goozee
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TAVENER’S TALES
Thumping the tub for Electronic
What’s Mr Showbiz doing sharing a pool with guitarist Johnny Marr? Found out here
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Jonathan Pie on Brexit (again)
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Lord Drone orders new office car for staff – and to hell with the expense
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2,400-year-old Daily Express reader unearthed in peat bog
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DRONE SPECIAL INVESTIGATION
Mail Online captions?
You couldn’t make it up
(Actually they do)
The Drone’s team of special investigators has been monitoring the Mail Online website to see how the hard-pressed caption writers try to outdo each other to describe Z-list “celebrities" from reality shows.
This investigation, conducted purely in the interest of research, has unearthed the following examples of creative writing:
Turns up the heat as she exhibits her busty assets and taut abs
Flaunts her beach body
Showcases her slender pins
Sends temperatures soaring in a burnt orange bralet
Exudes glamour in a perilously low-cut monochrome jumpsuit
Embodies pure elegance in chic floral gown
Flashes taut midriff
Flashes her toned tummy
Exhibits her sensational figure
Flaunts her ample assets
Looks daring in double denim
Sets pulses racing in sizzling lace lingerie
Sizzles in plunging orange bikini as she puts on a giddy display with beau
Exudes elegance in a thigh-skimming polka dot dress
Flashes her flat abs and a hint of under boob
Dons day and night ensembles as she hits the town
Dons eyepopping leather and leopard look
Stuns in colourful geometric gown
Goes TOPLESS in risqué snap
Looks incredible in flirty frock
Displays fit figure in little red floral print dress
Strips down into lacy G-string as she flaunts her pert derrière
Exhibits her stellar style
Flaunts her ample cleavage
Hides burgeoning baby bump
Shows off her jaw-dropping curves in a gingham bikini
Smoulders as she flaunts her incredible bikini body
Playfully recreates Charlie’s Angels pose
Flaunts her perky posterior in semi-sheer lace lingerie
Parades her gym-honed frame
Nails airport chic in a trendy sportswear inspired ensemble
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TAVENER’S TALES
My (sort of) mate Dirty Den
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DRONE EXCLUSIVE
Turmoil at the Mail
Quentin Letts set to quit
Sacked Dacre in state of shock
Vine smarting at slur on Gove
Rachel Johnson to take Vine slot
LETTS: I’ll retire to Herefordshire
STAFF on the Daily Mail are in turmoil over the imminent change of editorship as star columnist Quentin Letts considered his position on the paper.
Our mole at Northcliffe House told the Drone: “I spoke to Quentin this morning and he is not minded to stay when Geordie Greig takes over, saying "I’ll retire to Herefordshire," adding "I always liked Daily Telegraph readers."
"Unlike most in Kensington, Letts can probably go where he likes. There is a real sense of shock in the corridors. Most journalists here have never known any other boss.
“Paul Dacre [the outgoing editor] seems himself in a state of shock after being effectively sacked. Have a look at his Diary in this week’s Spectator where he throws down the gauntlet to Rothermere and Grieg to remain, as it were, Brexiteers.
"And he is savage about Rachel Johnson who is tipped to take the Sarah Vine slot when she follows her mentor Ted Verity to the Mail on Sunday. She is still smarting after the MoS suggested her husband Michael Gove had flirted with friends of Dorothy.
"Only Tom Utley has received a reassuring call from the new editor. Leaf [Kalfayan, features supremo] and the rest of features are in a state of shock as the engine of the paper. What is going to happen, they wonder?
"The money is on Dacre leaving much earlier than October and the title of Editor in Chief and Chairman are feeble.
"The statement on the change points out that Geordie will retain control of the MoS as well as the Daily Mail and report directly to Rothermere while he will now be on the board of DMGT.
"Dacre will be merely chairman of the Daily Mail. Apart from that Mrs Lincoln…”
MORE clues as to the state of Dacre’s mind on the day of his, er, promotion comes from Popbitch, which reports:
Soon-to-be-ex Daily Mail editor Paul Dacre took to the Spectator this week to warn his successor against reversing the paper's support for Brexit.
Dacre had assumed he'd have a bit of a say in who was picked to follow in his footsteps, so was a little blindsided when it was announced that his Mail on Sunday Remoaner nemesis Geordie Grieg had got the gig.
Colleagues at the Mail say the most obvious sign of Dacre's fury was that, on the day of the announcement last week, he stormed off home at 5pm. And he almost never leaves his desk before 9.30.
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Just in case you missed the last one, here’s yet another pic of eight elderly gents enjoying a nosebag
at the World’s Greatest Lunch Club
This time the WGLC was delighted to welcome former reporter Peter Mason to their lunch at Joe Allen’s yesterday. Peter, seated at the back, third from right, now lives back in his native Australia. He is in Blighty until the end of July.
Pictured, from left, are Dick Dismore, Terry Manners, Roger Watkins, Alan Frame, Peter, David Eliades, Pat Pilton and Alastair McIntyre.
Here’s another pic to delight you all ...
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How to fix a cat that won’t pay you enough attention
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TAVENER’S TALES
Now that is a (50) grand contacts book!
Roger Tavener finds there’s money in numbers — and an awful lot of fun too
And how Mr Showbiz made
a monkey* out of the Mail
Another bizarre tale from Roger Tavener
TOMORROW: My 50 grand contacts book
*Note to pedants: Actually a chimp
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A READER ASKS:
Gordon Bennett! Was this the original Lord Drone?
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Letter to the Editor of the Daily Express
Dear Sir,
I cannot be the first to express my disapproval of the "new" Daily Express under your editorship. But may I join what I am sure is a swelling chorus of outrage?
I am in the early stages of Alzheimer's and have suffered for years from arthritis and diabetes. Additional to my interest in these disagreeable conditions are my daily concerns about pensions, house prices, statins, extreme weather conditions and the imminent threat of millions of dusky migrants swamping this once sceptred isle.
Thus, I would like to place on record how profoundly unsettled I am at the unwelcome replacement of these topics by real news on the front page of my favourite newspaper, which I have been reading since young Max Aitken (with whom I went to school) acquired the title in 1916.
I fear you may have parted company from the integrity of your mind. Let it not be too long before the link is restored so that your most prominent Page One story — known by you print wallahs, I believe, as the "splash" — can resume normal service.
God save the King.
I remain etc,
A Loyal Briton (rtd)
This letter was written anonymously in green ink by PAT WELLAND and sent to Gary Jones, new editor of the Express.
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AS DACRE IS KICKED UPSTAIRS...
Geordie Greig named new Daily Mail editor
GEORDIE GREIG, editor of the Mail on Sunday, has been appointed editor of the Daily Mail.
Greig, pictured left, a staunch Remainer, replaces Brexiteer Paul Dacre who is stepping down ahead of his 70th birthday in November.
Ted Verity, joint deputy editor of the Daily Mail, will take control of the Mail on Sunday.
Lord Rothermere, who controls the two papers, said: “Geordie has been an outstanding editor of the Mail on Sunday, and I am delighted that he will continue the high-quality journalism that Paul has made a hallmark of the Daily Mail for more than 25 years.”
The champagne may not be popping at Northcliffe House just yet as Dacre is to remain as chairman and editor-in-chief of Associated Newspapers.
Favourites to succeed Dacre, who has been Daily Mail editor for 26 years, had been Gerard Greaves, joint deputy editor of the Daily Mail; Chris Evans, editor of the Daily Telegraph and Tony Gallagher, The Sun’s editor.
The Guardian reported: Any change to the Daily Mail’s editorial line on Brexit could have substantial implications for the government. Under Dacre’s leadership, the paper has launched ferocious front-page attacks on public figures who it deems to have challenged the decision to leave the EU.
One labelled high court judges “enemies of the people”, another urged Theresa May to “crush the saboteurs” with an early election, and a recent attack on the House of Lords described them as “dinosaurs in ermine”.
The paper is regularly the focus of morning news meetings in Downing Street, while Dacre was an early and consistent backer of Theresa May’s policies.
Greig, however, has repeatedly clashed with Dacre during his stint at the Mail on Sunday. Staff at both papers expressed surprise at the idea the two editors would be able to work together during the transition period, saying there was no love lost between them.
The sister news outlets repeatedly clashed during the Brexit campaign, and Greig’s Mail on Sunday has often gone out of its way to rubbish the daily paper’s scoops.
Greig has been in his current job since 2012, having previously edited the London Evening Standard and Tatler magazine.
Polly Toynbee’s demolition of Dacre
The Poke’s favourite farewells
The damage is done, says Roy Greenslade
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DRONE PHOTONEWS
In remembrance of Bob
Bob McGowan was one of the great reporters on the Daily Express. Now, exclusively on the Drone, his widow Pauline has issued some pictures of our esteemed colleague, who died in 2011 aged just 67.
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TAVENER’S TALES 1
Sex and sails? It has to be Howards’ Enda-Way
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TAVENER’S TALES 2
My adventures in LA with the Brat Pack
Roger Tavener continues his madcap memoir with a tale of beers with the stars, a dangerous girl ... and a parrot
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DRONETUBE
Peter Cook’s celebrated sketch lampooning biased judge in Thorpe case, Justice Cantley
This brilliant sketch is a parody of when Justice Sir Joseph Cantley summed up for the acquittal of the Rt Hon Jeremy Thorpe. Thorpe was accused of conspiring to have Andrew Newton murder Thorpe’s former lover, Norman Scott. Peter Bessell was the chief prosecution witness. That will help explain some of the lines. Peter Cook performed this just a few hours after the actual Cantley summing-up in 1979.
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TAVENER’S WAR
Slobodan Milosevic: My part in his downfall
When you have a deadline
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Star reporter gets his comeuppance after complaining about the editing of his column
OUCH! This memo was written to the celebrated journalist Seymour Hersh by the editor of the New York Times Abe Rosenthal. Moral: Think twice before complaining about the subbing
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How to lose your head
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DRONE EXCLUSIVE
Phone hacking is nothing new,
State spooks did it in 1963
When solicitor Freddie Baldwin, pictured right, defended Christine Keeler, left, during the notorious Profumo sex scandal in 1963 he found that his phone was making strange noises whenever he picked it up.
The truth was that he was being hacked by government spooks. In the light of Leveson, was this a case of pot calling the kettle black?
Freddie’s son FRANK BALDWIN thinks so. Read his fascinating piece here.
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May circulations
And what they once sold
Click to enlarge
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Hancock's Haha
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Letter of the week
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Office humour No5
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EDITOR SIGNALS A NEW DIRECTION
The Express must not be offensive to anyone, and that includes immigrants
NEW DAILY EXPRESS EDITOR GARY JONES TELLS PRESS GAZETTE OF THE CHANGES HE IS MAKING AND HOW HE IS IMPROVING THOSE FRONT PAGES
READ THE INTERVIEW HERE
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How not to crop a photo
Simon Hedger, of this parish, spotted these pics in the Bracknell News. He writes: A nice photographer from the local paper turns up at the Bracknell Ale and Cider Festival, takes your picture and says to make sure you pick up a copy of the next week’s Bracknell News because your face will be in it. And then this happens...
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At last! Sanity returns to the Daily Express
New Daily Express editor Gary Jones, pictured, has told MPs that some of the paper’s front pages were ‘downright offensive’ before he took over — and some stories helped stir Islamophobia.
His comments restore a touch of sanity and decency to the Express which lost its influence and became a laughing stock under the ownership of Richard Desmond. Let us hope that this new and welcome attitude is not too late to restore this once-great paper’s fortunes.
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Oooh Matron!
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View of Thames from top of St Bride’s, 1920s
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DRONETUBE
Nick Lloyd’s tribute to Jean Rook in 1991
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Hancock’s Haha
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Viz
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The moment Peter Hitchens learned he had lost an award to columnist Matthew Parris
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DRONETUBE
Our man Ashley on ITV news
Ashley Walton out on the Fergie story, early 1990s
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Employment at last, chaps
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Daily Star Sports Desk 1980
Former Daily Star sub Jeff Connor, pictured front right, sent this snap of the paper’s Sports Desk in Manchester circa 1980 before they moved to new offices.
Pictured, second left, is sports editor Arthur Lamb, to his left is deputy sports editor Gordon ‘Geordie’ Burnett (long departed), the secretary was named Sue. In the background between Gordon and Jeff is the backbench with deputy night editor Chris Davis, later Royston Davis, who went to The Sun, and leaning over him is copy editor Mike Hughes.
Next to Chris is night editor Andy (mine’s a Bell’s and a light ale) Carson, then Ian Pollock. On the extreme left is Jack Ronnie (probably). Also on the backbench is Robbie Addison.
To the left of Chris Davis is Ian Pollack and standing is a guy called Robbie who we think was deputy to editor Peter Grimsditch. Behind secretary Sue is the DS newsdesk. Thanks to Mike Hughes and John Edgley for help in identifications.
Jeff Connor is working on a potted history of Ancoats from 1976 to 1988. Read it here soon ONLY ON THE DRONE!
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Express sub-editors, Fleet Street 1970s
Daily Express sub-editors hard at work in the Fleet Street newsroom in the 1970s. From left, Doug Mann, Jack Atkinson, Dan McDonald, Terry Manners and Chris Williams. Lurking in the background could be Alastair McIntyre
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Who’s this having a fling?
Can you Tel who it is? Find out here
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Norwich Council’s first computer delivery,1957
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DRONE PHOTONEWS
Fleet Street’s great and good pay warm tribute to Robin Esser at memorial
STAR LINE-UP: A huge congregation including Fleet Street’s top names attended the memorial service for Robin Esser on Wednesday 21st March. Pictured, from left, are Paul Dacre, Sir Michael Parkinson, Philippa Kennedy, Donald Trelford and Christopher Ward
ASHLEY WALTON’S report
DRONE PHOTONEWS SPECIAL
Photo: Alan Davidson/AJDImages Ltd
+44 2080 045359
sales@silverhubmedia.com
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History in moments No36
1972: A scene in Kabul unimaginable today
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Is There a Colour Bar?
Cable Street, London 1949
by Bert Hardy
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Thursday papers
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Back Pages
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Cartoons of the day
Christian Adams
Steve Bell
Ann Telnaes
Peter Brookes
Michael de Adder
Stan McMurtry
Dave Brown
John Shakespeare
Bob Moran
Patrick Chappatte
Steven Camley
Steve Bell
Morten Morland
Dr Seuss
Punch Classic (1937)
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Hold Page 96!
News you may have missed
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Latest Eye
Classic Eye (1988)
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One in the Eye
No 103
Volume 15: 1986
THE history of the Daily and Sunday Express as told 30 years ago through the columns of Private Eye (Lord Drone does not necessarily agree with the sentiments expressed although, from memory, they seem reasonably accurate.)
New readers: The Eye referred to the Express as the Getsworse, the Getsmuchworse, or the Getsevenworse or sometimes even worse than that.
UPDATED 27 JANUARY
25 July 1986
Street of Shame
When an Englishman was sentenced to hang in Malaysia for drug-running, the Getsmuchworse swiftly dispatched ace newshound Norman Luck to cover the pleas for clemency, death-cell agony and grisly end. Unfortunately the grisly end took rather a long time coming.
Worried about the cost of this jaunt, the Getsmuchstingier’s news desk ordered the luckless Luck to return home. While he was in midair, though, it became clear that the editor, “Nick” Lloyd — who had not been told of Luck’s imminent return — wanted him to remain in Kuala Lumpur.
In panic, the news desk decided to keep the return of the prodigal wordsmith secret. As soon as he touched down on home soil he was whisked off to a hideaway and continued filing stories as if he was still in Malaysia.
Thus it was that a series of graphic eyewitness accounts of the days leading up to the hanging which appeared in the Express under the byline “from Norman Luck in Kuala Lumpur” actually came from no further afield than Tunbridge Wells where Luck was holed up in a luxurious flat while involved in discussions of a Malaysian nature.
19 September 1986
Street of Shame
Just as United boss David Stevens removes one source of sleaziness, Roger Boyes, so another pops up. Fleet Street's most repulsive yob Ray Mills, now has a column in the Star.
Eye readers will remember Mills from issue 635, in which his habit of peeing in office wastepaper baskets, to the distress of cleaners, was disclosed. Mills’s new column is the journalistic equivalent of peeing in public.
At the Star he is known to one and all as BIFFO — Big Ignorant Fucker From Oldham.
The most recent Mills story involves his teenage son who, trying to please the elderly delinquent, baked him a birthday cake. Mills threw the cake at the lad’s head, shouting: “Are you a queer or something?”
3 October 1986
Street of Shame
When word was brought to dynamic Sun editor Kelvin MacKenzie that Pat Phoenix was dead, his reaction was swift. “Get Doris Stokes [a clairvoyant] on the phone,” he screamed at a subordinate. “I want the first interview from the other side.”
A few minutes later the trembling subordinate reported back. La Stokes said that it took some time for for the spirit to move from earthly form. Even with her talents she could not yet make contact with the departed star.
“Well tell her to make it up,” shrieked MacFrenzie.
14 November 1986
“Hindley Freedom Move” screamed the Daily Getsmuchworse on Monday, labelling the story as “exclusive”. Its gullible readers were informed that Myra Hindley was to be sent to an open prison, and there were assorted quotes expressing the appropriate shock horror.
The Home Office denied the story as being untrue, for a very good reason — it was.
Step forward yet again Mr Michael Rocco Ryan who, posing as a prison nurse on escort duty, conned the gullible hacks. They can, however, almost be forgiven — for Rocky has become more sophisticated in the last twelve months. He has a fun-loving female accomplice who leads the hacks into his traps.
28 November 1986
Blood is running in the gutters at the Sunday Express, following the takeover by new Editor Robin Esser and his personally-appointed deputy Brian Hitchen.
Assistant Editor James Kinlay, once touted as the next editor, finishes at the end of the month. Photo editor John Dove has been given his cards and finishes up at the same time. Foreign editor Terry Foley returned from sick leave to be told he was no longer needed and has moved out of his office.
The latest office notice board announcement is the demotion of News Editor Michael Dove to reporter, apparently for his remark in the Poppinjay pub: “Brian Hitchen wouldn’t know a news story if it was shoved up his nose. He’s a beer-bellied idiot.”
“Inspector” Michael Watts has been axed after 27 years on the paper after telling Esser: “You can’t change the character of my column, old boy. I won’t stand for it.”
Travel editor Lewis de Fries has been chopped and now the Esser/Hitchen Punch and Judy act have turned their sights on Features Editor Max “Fuhrer” Davidson because of his continual complaining within the office: “All I get are inane features from Esser’s talentless Yuppie friends and Hitchen’s old drunken American-based cohorts.”
Assistant editor Ted Dickinson has been told to leave because when Esser tried to get back on the Daily Express after the closure of the Evening News he wrote a memo, still on file, reading: “On no account should Esser be given a job. He’s a total incompetent.”
Assistant editor Henry Macrory has been demoted to News Editor and one of his deputies, Ted Gartell, leaves at the end of November after being axed. Political editor Keith Renshaw has volunteered for early retirement at Christmas.
So of all departmental heads, that leaves just Diary Editor Lady Olga Maitland. The terrible duo backed off at the last minute when she befriended and started lunching with Lady Stevens, wife of Express supremo Sir David Stevens. Now she’s organising a counter-plot, jabbing her poison pen into the backs of her would-be executioners.
But that has not stopped Punch and Judy from targeting their next victim: the great Sir John Junor himself, who keeps bad-mouthing Esser and Hitchen to his spies still on the Sunday Express.
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The Daily Express, it seems, is still under the impression that its rightful owners are the Beaverbrooks. Lady Beaver has recently taken to ringing the paper’s executives to complain of items she finds “offensive” or “anti-Tory”, to wit one poor hack’s reference to “booze and fags”.
The hack was summoned to Deputy Editor Leith McGrumble’s office and told to empty his desk and collect his cards. As stunned as were his building society and family, the minion duly complied, but first informed the Father of the Chapel. A ruckus ensued between various heads of department and, 24 hours later, the hack was reinstated. Later he was told that he had also been guilty of anti-Tory sentiments and had better keep his nose clean (ie brown) in the future.
Lady Beaverbrook is 94.
Christmas issue
Letters to the Editor
Bloodless…
Sir,
Less blood has flowed on the Sunday Express than you claim. Only one member of the News Desk is leaving the paper, entirely of his own volition. The only change in my own position is that my duties have been expanded.
Yours unanaemically,
HENRY MACRORY
Assistant Editor,
Sunday Express
121 Fleet Street, London
Coo
Sir,
Your piece about me (Eye 651) is wrong in every detail.
I was not demoted from News Editor. I came off the desk in order to write for the new lively Sunday Express. It was entirely my idea and the move was approved by the editor.
Neither have I ever criticised Brian Hitchen in the Poppinjay or anywhere else. The remarks you attributed to me are a complete fabrication.
Your article was untrue and highly defamatory. I thought you had learned your lesson about checking facts after your recent High Court experience.
Kindly publish this letter. I know better than to expect an apology from you.
MICHAEL DOVE
Senior Reporter
Sunday Express
121 Fleet Street, London
THAT’S IT FOR 1986
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Who put the lights out?
NOTHING stopped the Daily Express in 1972, not even the miners’ strike. It was the year of constant power cuts instigated by Prime Minister Edward Heath to cope with the lack of coal to fuel the power stations. And as the clock hit 4.14 on a winter's afternoon the Express news sub-editors slaved away by gaslight. Lord Drone recalls that the gas lamps on the ceiling were still there when the Fleet Street office was vacated in 1989.
Who’s in the picture? We put a few names to faces HERE
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DroneTube
Farewell to Fleet Street
Fleet Street was full of journalists for the first time in many years when the London Press Club held a long lunch to mark the departure of the last newspaper from the Street of Broken Dreams. Watch the YouTube video of the event above and read the Guardian report
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DroneTube Exclusive
Life After The Front Page
This rare and previously largely unseen film, unearthed in the annals of Lord Drone, recalls the grand old days of Fleet Street. It includes interviews with Ann Buchanan, of The Sun and Daily Mirror; Clem Jones, from the Wolverhampton Express; Eric Todd of the Manchester Evening Chronicle and The Guardian; and George Bell and Ted Townshend of the Daily Telegraph.
The film, which was made by students of Goldsmiths College, University of London, in 1999, also includes someone called Alastair McIntyre (who he – Ed?) who addresses the public from the Daily Express offices in Blackfriars.
Runtime is 16 minutes.
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DroneTube Exclusive
The Crusader Years 1900-1990
Only in the Drone: This video was supplied to Express staff in 1990 and is now published on the web for the first time.
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