DAILY DRONE

1945: No matter what your political leanings may be, this headline, probably written by editor Arthur Christiansen, proved to be unnecessarily alarmist. Nothing new there then.

Labour did win the 1945 general election against all the odds just 12 weeks after Winston Churchill announced the defeat of Nazi Germany. It was a political bombshell. 

The Express’s fears turned out to be groundless because the Government led by Clement Attlee introduced the welfare state and the jewel in Britain’s crown — the NHS.

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I was present but I don’t think I was involved

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Muldoon’s Lookalikes

              KEANE                                 ROBINSON
Is there, by chance, asks MULDOON, any familial link between mild-mannered, sweet-talking far-right activist Stephen Yaxley-Lennon, alias Andrew McMaster, alias Paul Harris, better known as Tommy Robinson, of Irish stock, and mild-mannered, sweet-talking football player/manager/pundit Roy Maurice Keane, of Irish stock? If not, they certainly share a taste for the controversial.

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ANOTHER FINE MESS
New management team takes over at the Express

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DRONETUBE

Take me to your reader

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Muldoon’s lampoon

A READER PUTS DOWN HIS SHOPPING BAG TO WRITE: I see that M&S are fobbing us of with Round Tomatoes from Spain.  So what's wrong with good old English square tomatoes, may I ask? Beats me why trendy marketing executives want to change everything these days, that's what I always say.

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This bijou Dorset resort has always attracted families of quality, many first by the old London and South Western Railway in 1885, and today is no exception, says MULDOON. 

Knotted handkerchiefs and deep fried battered sausages are so outré here that one wonders why the local council hasn’t enshrined it in statute. Not that visitors aren’t encouraged to have a good time: there are sandy beaches, attractive cafes and a promenade. 

Why, there’s even Bingo on the beach. And if you want to really know this part of the Jurassic Coast talk to the locals. There’s a rum cove at Lulworth and in Studland Old Harry Rocks and his chum Ballard Down always have a tale to tell.

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MARTIN TOWNSEND has quit as editor of the Sunday Express, the Daily Drone can reveal today.

He spent his last day in the chair on Saturday, and will be replaced by Express editor-in-chief Gary Jones who will head a seven-day operation.

The move comes a few weeks  after STUART JAMES, editor of the Daily Star Sunday, ‘stepped down’ from his post. This left Townsend as the only editor in the newly-named Reach group who had been appointed by previous owner Richard Desmond.

Townsend, a former editor of OK! magazine, was appointed to the editorship of the Sunday Express in 2001 shortly after the Express group was sold to Desmond by United Business Media. 

Reach, formerly known as Trinity Mirror, took over Express Newspapers in a £127million deal last February.

Shortly following the merger, the editors of the Daily Express and Daily Star, Hugh Whittow and Dawn Neesom, also ‘stepped down’. 

Stuart James, pictured seated below with Star Sunday staff, spent his last day in office in the Walrus and Carpenter pub opposite the Express Newspapers offices in Lower Thames Street. 

James, regarded as ‘one of the good guys’, was appointed editor in 2015.

A seven-day operation has been tried before in the 1990s on the Daily and Sunday Express but quickly unravelled. Separate staffs were soon re-established apart from the subs who still work for both titles.

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Lookalike

                   Grint                                      Grunt

Those ruddy lads of, presumably, Pictish lineage often bear a striking resemblance but award-winning actor Rupert Grint, who successfully mined the Harry Potter franchise as loveable Ron Weasley, really could be related to popular troubadour Ed Sheeran, who has sold more than 26 million albums and 100 million singles worldwide.
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1858: London was struck by a heatwave so bad it caused an event known as The Great Stink. 

The polluted, sewage-filled Thames was blamed for cholera epidemics, but it forced the city to build the sewer system we still use today. Germ theory was not well understood and many people blamed bad smells for spreading illness. 

The heat and smell of the noxious river forced Parliament to close down even after they tried to cover up the Stink with chloride of lime, used to keep meat fresh "even in the warmest weather".

Picture shows: "The Silent Highwayman" (1858). Death rows on the Thames, claiming the lives of victims who have not paid to have the river cleaned up.

However you approach this charming “small city”, by road or East Midlands Trains, the horizon is dominated by the English Gothic masterpiece which is the cathedral, writes MULDOON. There it sits high on a hill overlooking the relatively flat Lincolnshire countryside. 

For 238 years in the Middle Ages the cathedral was the tallest building in the world and now it attracts millions of tourists. The city also has a Norman castle which houses a rare copy of Magna Carta. 

The ever-improving university, which has just over 14,000 students, is playing an increasingly important part in the life of Lincoln. The city has the reputation of “telling it as it is.” Thus, the steep hill (1 in 7 gradient) which leads from the lower town to the cathedral and castle is called (you’ve guessed it) Steep Hill.

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Two countries divided by a common language

Southend-on-Sea: The Drone’s spotty summer intern Muldoon, inspired by the evocative poem Adlestrop, has been travelling by train, of course, from the sublime to the gor blimey. So here we are in the much maligned Essex resort which is, in fact, served by two railway lines.

Southend’s best days may be behind it and, in truth, this lovely railway poster is an idealised depiction, but it hasn’t given up yet. Some 6.4 million visit each year and it has miles of promenade, the longest pier in the world (1.3 miles), an adventure playground, aquarium, a funicular railway, theatres and gardens.

Its neighbour, Leigh-on-Sea, beloved of some former Express executives, is regarded as one of the most desirable places to live in the UK.

A word to the wise, though. If you plan to visit, check that the tide’s in. Otherwise it will be Southend-on-Mud!

Shouldn’t Muldoon be travelling by acne carriage? — Ed

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1951: Imagine the chutzpah of the “Suit” in a Reithian-era BBC planning meeting who suggested doing a ventriloquist act on the wireless. Thus it was that Peter Brough and Archie Andrews, stars of the Light Programme’s Educating Archie became one of the most popular double acts in entertainment history: after all, Brough really could say “bottle of beer” without appearing to move his lips. 

In a way, it was a pioneering leap in the dark on a par with the first mad fool who ate an oyster or the bloke who said: “Fuck this, I’m going to wear my sandals without socks.”

Alas, though, it convinced the hierarchy at the Beeb that they could literally get away with anything: Richard Dimbleby doing a Panorama programme on spaghetti trees, the dire jubilee river pageant coverage and hiring a helicopter at licence payers’ expense to film an ill-advised police raid on Sir Cliff Richard’s home.

MULDOON

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Stratford-upon-Avon: As a reward for thinking up the Last Train to Adlestrop feature, Lord Drone arranged a freebie for our intern, Muldoon, and his girlfriend Clea (short for Clearasil) in this lovely town in the heart of England. Here is his report:

“To be honest, we thought Stratford was where they held the Olympics but it’s quite a stretch by train from Euston in the other direction. We were surprised to find the place packed with people, Yanks and Japanese and the like, because it wasn’t market day and there was no football on. 

We took in the sights, Primark, New Look, JD Sports and Clea bought me one of those baseball caps with the peak at the back. Then we grabbed a couple of Greggs sausage rolls and sat by the Thames, watching the boats and that, before checking our phones. We could of gone to Hiawatha’s Cottage but Clea doesn’t like Westerns.

“Later we did Nando’s, had a couple of Magners in Spoons and then went back to watch MTV on the flatscreen. We were in the same hotel Lenny Henry stays in. The beds are so soft. To be honest, we didn’t find much to do but it was nice.

“I almost forgot. Lord Drone said I had to mention that Stratford is the place where they have the best parish magazine in the country. (That was supposed to come off pat). Er, that’s it.”

Manchester: Muldoon, the Drone’s spotty summer intern whose love of the poem Adlestrop inspired our railway poster perambulation, has never been oop North. 

Today he would find Manchester an exhilarating, thriving city. Fifty or so years ago, despite the promise of this London Midland poster, It was a little more dark and satanic. 

Back then, of course, Fleet Street was replicated in Withy Grove, Deansgate and Ancoats. Just recalling the Express pubs makes the head swim: The Land o’ Cakes, Yates’s and the Crown and Kettle, where the landlord used boil up black pudding, like bunches of bulls’ bollocks, in a pot behind the bar.

Old Manchester joke: A policeman is trying to sort out the traffic chaos caused by a horse dropping dead where Oldham Street leads into Piccadilly Gardens.

An angry sergeant appears demanding the reason for the delay. PC says: “Sorry, sarge, I were just making a note and couldn’t remember whether there was one C or two in Piccadilly.” 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake just drag it round into Tib Street”!

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Larry Lookalike

By MULDOON, the Drone’s spotty intern

Remove the silly hat and, yes, there is a passing resemblance between one of Fleet Street’s finest and Captain Troy Tempest, pilot of Stingray in the TV series of that name. Maybe they are related but, because Troy isn’t going to be born until 2038, it’s difficult to be sure.

By the time he reached the Express, Sir Larry Lamb was pretty much a spent force but he was still a consummate politician and formidable technician. You could see what all the fuss had been about.

In his younger days, when he was on the Mirror in Manchester and had yet to graduate to fine whisky and even finer wine, he liked to go for a drink with t’lads. After a few pints he’d say: “Now we know we like it, we’ll ‘ave some.”

When his Express car was off the road it was said that he jumped on a No.11 bus outside PA and barked to the conductor: “Take me to the Savoy!”

Troy Tempest, despite being always ready to save the earth from the dreaded Aquaphibians, was always a puppet by comparison.

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It was a non-event, really. Nothing happened. A train pulled into a rural station in Gloucestershire in the summer of 1914, spat steam and chuntered, as trains did. Then, a few minutes later, it went gently on its way.

Yet one tiny slice of life at Adlestrop in the heart of an England on the threshold of war inspired this hauntingly evocative poem:

Yes. I remember Adlestrop —

The name, because one afternoon

Of heat the express train drew up there

Unwontedly. It was late June.

The steam hissed. Someone cleared his throat.

No one left and no one came

On the bare platform. What I saw

Was Adlestrop — only the name.

And willows, willow-herb and grass

And meadowsweet and haycocks dry

No whit less still and lonely fair

Than the high cloudlets in the sky.

And for that minute a blackbird sang

Close by and round him, mistier,

Farther and farther, all the birds

Of Oxfordshire and Gloucestershire.

The poet, another of that golden generation cut down by war, was Edward Thomas. He was killed at the Battle of Arras the following year. The station? Alas, that fell to the Beeching axe. It was demolished in 1966.

Now, because Muldoon, one of the Daily Drone’s spotty summer interns “studied” Adlestrop for GCSE, he has persuaded his lordship to launch a new series of nostalgic images under the title of Last Train To Adlestrop. 

MULDOON

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The shocking decline of Britain's press freedom

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History in Moments

                NO EXIT                                NO BREXIT

Now it becomes clear! David Davis never seemed to be on top of his brief as Brexit Secretary: well, would you if you had been holed up in the Ecuadorian Embassy in London for the past six years? To be fair, WikiLeaks fugitive Julian Assange did his best but he was no match for those wily negotiators in Brussels. Time for a reboot!

MULDOON

SCROLL DOWN FOR MORE LOOKALIKES … ONLY ON THE DRONE

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History in Moments

1976: Fowey, what a scorcher, as they’re saying in Cornwall. Minister for Rain, where are you when we need you? (actually, he’s dead — ed). 

This is Labour’s Denis Howell celebrating a job well done after he was charged by the Prime Minister to persuade the nation to use less water as Britain sweltered under its driest summer for 200 years (remind you of anything?)

Howell, a jolly cove, was from that sub species of politician regarded as an occasionally useful buffoon (qf Eric Pickles; John Prescott). 

He entered into his role with great gusto, revealing he was sharing baths with wife Brenda to save water and even doing a rain dance. Days later the heavens opened and he was appointed Minister of Floods. Who said Harold Wilson didn’t have a sense of humour?

Proving that you can’t keep a good man down, he was also recalled to the colours during the harsh winter of 1978-79 as Minister for Snow.

MULDOON

CLIVE GOOZEE remembers that the Daily Express ran a front page picture of Mr Howell, who was a  top referee, relaxing in a bath after a First Division football match. We think it was this one ...

Picture: GETTY IMAGES
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Fleet Street then and now

1899: Carter’s Hair Cutting Saloon, at 17 Fleet Street, London, just opposite Chancery Lane. The facade above the gateway, which leads to Inner Temple, hid the original 17th Century half-timbered front which was subsequently restored. 

The first floor of the building comprises Prince Henry’s Room, named for the son of James I. It is one of the few surviving buildings in the City of London dating from before the Great Fire of London in 1666. It is a Grade II listed building.

BELOW: The same building today.

More on this

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Hold the front stage! It’s Christiansen the film star

1961: Legendary Daily Express editor Arthur Christiansen demonstrates that as an actor he was a very fine journalist playing himself in the cult sci-fi movie The Day the Earth Caught Fire. 

Chris, pictured with Edward Judd who played a maverick reporter (aren’t they all? — Ed), spent most of the time spouting lines like: “Hold the front page!” and “Make it sing and make it a song I like,” (or was that another legendary Daily Express editor?) 

The film was based on the Express in its heyday and many shots were filmed in the office and Fleet Street. Behind the scenes there was also rumoured to have been a piquant play within a play starring an Express executive (still there in the seventies) and the luscious female lead Janet Munro, who, after a hard day’s filming, were encountered discussing bold intros and splash heads in the lane behind the Old Bell (mem to Night Lawyer Cocklecarrot: It’s OK: they’re both dead now)

MULDOON

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History in Moments


2010: If you had an IQ of 235 (way above that of a Fleet Street executive; after all, Einstein and Hawking were “only” 160) would it take you long to work out what to do with a $1million prize awarded for solving a mathematical problem which had stumped leading brains for more than 100 years? 

Well, if you were Russian genius Grigori Perelman, 52, you’d turn it down, wouldn’t you? Perelman, pictured, who lives with his mum in a St Petersburg apartment, said: “I’m not interested in money or fame. I don’t want to be on display like an animal in a zoo.” 

The problem he solved was the Poincaré Conjecture, posed by French mathematician Henry Poincaré in 1904. It was: Any loop on a 3-sphere — as exemplified by the set of points at a distance of 1 from the origin in four-dimensional Euclidean space — can be contracted to a point. But you knew that, didn’t you?

MULDOON

1952: Liverpool Street Station during the London smog

1425: Behold, La Trinita! This seminal artwork is thought to be the first painting (fresco, actually) to employ single point linear perspective, a development which transformed art for ever. It graces a wall of the church of Santa Maria Novella in Florence, opposite the railway station which is itself a striking example of “fascist architecture”.

The Innovative artist was Tommaso di Ser Giovanni di Simone, better known, simply, as Masaccio. Little of the enormously influential Massacio’s work survives but his The Virgin and Child, from 1426 is in the National Gallery (Room 59). 

One wonders what he would have gone on to produce but he died at the age of only 26. Another example of fate snatching great talent from us too early like Mozart, Keats, Shelley and Sid Vicious (Stop it. You’re being silly now — Ed)

MULDOON

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History in Moments

1966: The pianist tickling the ivories at this Los Angeles charity concert is unmistakably Liberace but who is the singer?  Actually, she is a ghost — official. She is the owner of the most wonderful voice who spent almost her whole career dubbing the parts of famous actresses who thought they could sing but, ahem, couldn’t.

Thus, she was Audrey Hepburn in My Fair Lady, Deborah Kerr in The King and I and Natalie Wood in West Side Story, all films laden with Oscars but did the ghost receive any credit? We know the answer to that one.

Such was the secrecy involved that, at the time, she was banned from revealing her contribution. Indeed, it is said that Ms Wood only realised that her voice hadn’t been used in the film at its premiere!

The ghost did appear as herself, playing Sister Sophia in the Sound of Music (it was felt that the star could cope), but otherwise she was condemned to stay in the shadows of the dubbing studio.

Oh, her name? The marvellous, fabulously awesome Marni Nixon, of course. Credit where it’s due, eh?

MULDOON

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How Stumpy Mac got his bonzer Aussie baggy cap

                                                               Picture: SUE REID

Former Express sub ROBIN McGIBBON has a heart-warming tale to tell about his baggy Australian cricket cap.

Robin, also known as Stumpy, writes: The medication I'm on, for various issues, means it's too dangerous for me to have another knee replacement, so the only way for me to get around is on crutches.

Two months ago, I came across the most idyllic country cricket ground — surrounded by horsefields and a swiftly-running stream — and was hobbling along the mid-wicket boundary when the groundsman, and former player, asked, very politely, who I was, and what was I doing, trespassing on private land.

We got talking and it turned that, like me, he'd played for Bromley Town FC, in the Isthmian League. Then, it further turned out that I'd played Athenian League football with one of his club's most celebrated players which elevated me immediately from uninvited interloper to someone who deserved a cuppa in the clubroom.

Over the next few weeks, the groundsman — Brett Walker's his name — and I got more and more friendly, and, for some reason, over another cup of club-house tea, I admitted secretly envying the two Australian Baggy caps given to former Daily Mail soccer and cricket writer Brian Scovell, a dear friend, who lives near me, in Bickley, Kent.

Why did I like the baggy green so much? Brett wanted to know. 

"I don't know,” I said. "It's just the shape, I guess."

"Stay right there," he said, getting up to go into the club's locker room.

He came back with a green baggy cap and put it on me, proudly, saying: "Have a Bromley Common CC baggy with my compliments."

I was touched by such a charming gesture. But, then, it's a charming club with jolly friendly people.

I now hobble there every day.

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Hancock’s Haha

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Viz
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Hold Page 96
News you may have missed 

NEW SERIES
WARNING SIGNS

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We think this may be a pic of the Express subs

but could it be the Mail?

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History in Moments

1972: Comedian and muddled magician Tommy Cooper sits in a pub in uncharacteristicly reflective mood. Perhaps he is thinking up pithy one-liners (“There was a tap on the door: my plumber really should get his eyes tested” or “I got up the other night and made a cup of tea in my pyjamas. It was no good — I should have used a teapot.”) 

Maybe he really had just heard the punchline to one of his best jokes: “I went into a pub which had a poster ‘A pie, a pint and a friendly word’. After I’d had the pie and pint I said to the landlord: ‘What’s the friendly word?’ ‘Don’t eat the pie’.”

 It’s the way I tell ‘em. Or is that someone else?

MULDOON
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                 Prankster                                Waistcoat lover

What a contrast between the ubiquity of that high profile, hard working cheeky prankster Sascha Baron Cohen and the anonymity of low key, understated part time waistcoat model Gareth Southgate. They couldn’t possibly be related. Could they?

            Robin Williams                                  Bono             
Is global pop superstar Paul Hewson, aka Bono (a much pithier nickname than Steinhegvanhuysenolegbangbangbang, which his schoolmates originally gave him) by chance related to the late lamented actor and comedian Robin Williams? Or is he just a tribute act?

                Mr Pastry                             John Bolton

Now here’s an uncanny resemblance. John Bolton, national security adviser to the Donald, bears more than a passing similarity to much-loved children’s favourite Richard Hearne, better known as Mr Pastry. We don’t know about pastry but they do look like a pair of doughnuts.

          Exotic waltzer                            Fish lover

Strictly entre nous, but what could exotic, nimble-footed  waltzer Anton du Beke possibly have in common with actor Rob Brydon, also known as fishing-trip enthusiast Uncle Bryn (it means “hill” in Welsh) West? It’s a guess but perhaps they are related?

             Sir Richard                                 Yasser

Genealogists are agreed that, despite being born miles apart (Cairo and Liverpool), Palestinian freedom fighter/terrorist Mohammad Yasser Abdel Rahman Abdel Raouf Arafat al-Qudwa and musician, songwriter, actor and narrator Sir Richard Starkey, MBE are related. Here the two celebrate their familial link, between takes, at a recording of the Beatles’ international hit Yasser, That’s My Baby.

             Bette Midler                           Eve Pollard

Despite one being a superstar singer, songwriter, actress, comedian and film producer and the other a well-nourished celebrity mother and former newspaper editor who lives 5,437 miles away, are the Divine Miss Bette Midler and “Lady” Eve Pollard by chance related?

              Jimmy Carr                            Roger Federer

Heard the one about loquacious stand-up comedian and ubiquitous game show hack Jimmy Carr and urbane, cool King of the Centre Court Roger (great name, Rog!) Federer? Well, geneticists aren’t laughing. They think they could be related

             Lord Reid                              Deceased Pope 

Don’t look now but have you noticed that former Labour bruiser and Cabinet Minister Lord (John) Reid bears more than a passing resemblance to Karol Jozef Wojtlya better known as Pope John Paul II? Geneticists might hazard a guess that they’re related.

         Cute and cuddly                       Tedious remoaner

What can this cute and cuddly native of Madagascar, content to remain on the island of her birth, possibly have in common with an embittered sacked Cabinet Minister who is now a tediously strident Remoaner? Perhaps they are related.

          Old man Steptoe                      Jeremy Corbyn

Might it not be that this well-respected professional, lauded for his incisive wit and attainment, and the other, a figure of fun famous for being a grumpy old man, are in some way related?

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Sack the sign writer!

The Drone’s team of special investigators has been monitoring the Mail Online website to see how the hard-pressed caption writers try to outdo each other to describe Z-list “celebrities" from reality shows.

This investigation, conducted purely in the interest of research, has unearthed the following examples of creative writing:

Turns up the heat as she exhibits her busty assets and taut abs

Flaunts her beach body

Showcases her slender pins

Sends temperatures soaring in a burnt orange bralet

Exudes glamour in a perilously low-cut monochrome jumpsuit

Embodies pure elegance in chic floral gown

Flashes taut midriff

Flashes her toned tummy

Exhibits her sensational figure

Flaunts her ample assets

Looks daring in double denim

Sets pulses racing in sizzling lace lingerie 

Sizzles in plunging orange bikini as she puts on a giddy display with beau

Exudes elegance in a thigh-skimming polka dot dress

Flashes her flat abs and a hint of under boob

Dons day and night ensembles as she hits the town

Dons eyepopping leather and leopard look

Stuns in colourful geometric gown

Goes TOPLESS in risqué snap

Looks incredible in flirty frock

Displays fit figure in little red floral print dress

Strips down into lacy G-string as she flaunts her pert derrière 

Exhibits her stellar style

Flaunts her ample cleavage

Hides burgeoning baby bump

Shows off her jaw-dropping curves in a gingham bikini

Smoulders as she flaunts her incredible bikini body

Playfully recreates Charlie’s Angels pose

Flaunts her perky posterior in semi-sheer lace lingerie

Parades her gym-honed frame 

Nails airport chic in a trendy sportswear inspired ensemble

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DRONE EXCLUSIVE
Turmoil at the Mail

Quentin Letts set to quit

Sacked Dacre in state of shock

Vine smarting at slur on Gove
Rachel Johnson to take Vine slot

                LETTS: I’ll retire to Herefordshire

BY DRONE REPORTER

STAFF on the Daily Mail are in turmoil over the imminent change of editorship as star columnist Quentin Letts considered his position on the paper.

Our mole at Northcliffe House told the Drone: “I spoke to Quentin this morning and he is not minded to stay when Geordie Greig takes over, saying "I’ll retire to Herefordshire," adding "I always liked Daily Telegraph readers."

"Unlike most in Kensington, Letts can probably go where he likes. There is a real sense of shock in the corridors. Most journalists here have never known any other boss.

“Paul Dacre [the outgoing editor] seems himself in a state of shock after being effectively sacked. Have a look at his Diary in this week’s Spectator where he throws down the gauntlet to Rothermere and Grieg to remain, as it were, Brexiteers.

"And he is savage about Rachel Johnson who is tipped to take the Sarah Vine slot when she follows her mentor Ted Verity  to the Mail on Sunday. She is still smarting after the MoS suggested her husband Michael Gove had flirted with friends of Dorothy.

"Only Tom Utley has received a reassuring call from the new editor. Leaf [Kalfayan, features supremo] and the rest of features are in a state of shock as the engine of the paper. What is going to happen, they wonder?  

"The money is on Dacre leaving much earlier than October and the title of Editor in Chief and Chairman are feeble. 

"The statement on the change points out that Geordie will retain control of the MoS as well as the Daily Mail and report directly to Rothermere while he will now be on the board of DMGT. 

"Dacre will be merely chairman of the Daily Mail. Apart from that Mrs Lincoln…” 

MORE clues as to the state of Dacre’s mind on the day of his, er, promotion comes from Popbitch, which reports: 

Soon-to-be-ex Daily Mail editor Paul Dacre took to the Spectator this week to warn his successor against reversing the paper's support for Brexit. 

Dacre had assumed he'd have a bit of a say in who was picked to follow in his footsteps, so was a little blindsided when it was announced that his Mail on Sunday Remoaner nemesis Geordie Grieg had got the gig. 

Colleagues at the Mail say the most obvious sign of Dacre's fury was that, on the day of the announcement last week, he stormed off home at 5pm. And he almost never leaves his desk before 9.30. 

Paul Dacre’s Spectator Diary

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History in Moments 

1995: The stance is compact, the elbow’s cocked and he’s definitely got his eye on the ball. No surprises, then, that 20 years after this photo was taken Joseph Edward Root was competing, in a crowded field, to be the most attractive batsman of his generation.  

The England captain’s choirboy looks mask a tough, gritty determination (remember, he is a Yorkie). Yet he combines it with a gentle humour: his shirt number in ODI games is 66 (geddit?). 

A golden boy, a winner then? It was not always thus. At King Ecgbert School in Sheffield Joe was on the shortlist to become the school’s Sports Personality of the Year. When he came home, his mum asked him if he’d won. No, he said, he’d been beaten by a girl called Jessica. As in Ennis.

MULDOON

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Letter to the Editor of the Daily Express

Dear Sir,

I cannot be the first to express my disapproval of the "new" Daily Express under your editorship. But may I join what I am sure is a swelling chorus of outrage? 

I am in the early stages of Alzheimer's and have suffered for years from arthritis and diabetes. Additional to my interest in these disagreeable conditions are my daily concerns about pensions, house prices, statins, extreme weather conditions and the imminent threat of millions of dusky migrants swamping this once sceptred isle. 

Thus, I would like to place on record how profoundly unsettled I am at the unwelcome replacement of these topics by real news on the front page of my favourite newspaper, which I have been reading since young Max Aitken (with whom I went to school) acquired the title in 1916.

I fear you may have parted company from the integrity of your mind. Let it not be too long before the link is restored so that your most prominent Page One story — known by you print wallahs, I believe, as the "splash" — can resume normal service.

God save the King.

I remain etc,

A Loyal Briton (rtd)

This letter was written anonymously in green ink by PAT WELLAND and sent to Gary Jones, new editor of the Express.

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History in Moments

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June circulations

And what they once sold

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THE ODDEST PICS ARE IN THE DRONE
Bus race 1933

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DRONETUBE

Our man Ashley on ITV news

Ashley Walton out on the Fergie story, early 1990s 

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Hold Page 96!

News you may have missed

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Former Daily Star sub Jeff Connor, pictured front right, sent this snap of the paper’s Sports Desk in Manchester circa 1980 before they moved to new offices. 

Pictured, second left, is sports editor Arthur Lamb, to his left is deputy sports editor Gordon ‘Geordie’ Burnett (long departed), the secretary was named Sue. In the background between Gordon and Jeff is the backbench with deputy night editor Chris Davis, later Royston Davis, who went to The Sun, and leaning over him is copy editor Mike Hughes. 

Next to Chris is night editor Andy (mine’s a Bell’s and a light ale) Carson, then Ian Pollock. On the extreme left is Jack Ronnie (probably). Also on the backbench is Robbie Addison.

To the left of Chris Davis is Ian Pollack and standing is a guy called Robbie who we think was deputy to editor Peter Grimsditch. Behind secretary Sue is the DS newsdesk. Thanks to Mike Hughes and John Edgley for help in identifications. 

Read Jeff Connor’s potted history of Ancoats from 1976 to 1988. ONLY ON THE DRONE!

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Boring pic of the week

Britain’s largest bus shelter (allegedly)

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Back Pages

Brian Adcock

DroneTube Exclusive

Life After The Front Page

This rare and previously largely unseen film, unearthed in the annals of Lord Drone, recalls the grand old days of Fleet Street. It includes interviews with Ann Buchanan, of The Sun and Daily Mirror; Clem Jones, from the Wolverhampton Express; Eric Todd of the Manchester Evening Chronicle and The Guardian; and George Bell and Ted Townshend of the Daily Telegraph. 

The film, which was made by students of Goldsmiths College, University of London, in 1999, also includes someone called Alastair McIntyre (who he – Ed?) who addresses the public from the Daily Express offices in Blackfriars. 

Runtime is 16 minutes.
*****

DroneTube Exclusive

The Crusader Years 1900-1990